Junkies and gangsters and whores, oh my!
Junkies and gangsters and whores, oh my!
If I had a brain
I would not medicate my pain
If I was brave
I would not crave
other people's fear
If I had a heart
my original art
would need no pay.
Jul 29, 2011
Postmodern yellow brick road
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Jess
Love the reference to the Wizard of Oz, especially the first two lines, effective contrast of innocence and theme. I think each Stanza fits the theme perfectly and has a consistent metre.
Lou
thanks lou
glad you enjoyed, just one of those poems that sprung out nearly fully formed on a whim.
I get the first verse, almost
I get the first verse, almost verse. But.... You think others fear you? Or you want them to fear you? I am unsure of why you have your line breaks the way you do? And your referances to others with labels, but then talking about yourself. I am not feeling this. Or understanding it. Sorry. Can you explain Jess?
Have you ever seen the
Have you ever seen the "Wizard of Oz"?
Dorothy, Tinman and Strawman are entering the forest where there are
"Lions and tigers and bears! oh my!"
so on a whim I came up with
"Junkies and gangsters and whores, oh my!"
one stanza is about junkies, the next is about gangsters and the last about whores.
I wrote it in the first person because I have elements of all three in my nature, as do many of us, and I didn't want it to be preachy.
This is hilarious...
This is hilarious...
One would have thought there would be no explanations necessary with a reference to something that probably the majority of Americans would easily recognize. Nor your *take*, knowing you.
~A
LOL ...
there's no place like home
enjoyed this little ditty Jess
Hmm.....
I'll go out on a limb and give an alternate form :
Had I half a brain
I'd not with drugs dull my pain
were I truly brave
others' fear I'd not crave
And had I a heart
I'd not charge for my art
just a bit of word juggling..........stan
thanks Stan, I do like that this manages it into couplets,
however I have two problems with it. Remember the song in the Wizard of Oz. If I had a heart, If I had a brain, that's the smaller and lesser problem.
The greater is that you know I hate poetic grammatical inversions! No yoda poetry for me!
Your suggestions did click with what has been niggling at me slightly, it would work better overall if those three verses ran as a ditty, or lyrics.
On the other hand I'm not sure I want to put in the time on a small brainfart piece like this, much as I'm fond of it.
hi
Not every poem is intended as a master piece is it? lol On to the next project!...............stan
Just stop in...
to see the Wizard, and he will fix all your problems. He will remove the bothersome parts of your psyche, and replace them with sweetness and light. Ha, ha, ha! Nice work Jess. I don't think it needs anything. For a brainfart, it was rather effective. ~ Gee
ta mate,
what I'm kind of hoping is that no-one picks up on the fact that although a case can be made for the cowardice of gangsters, junkies are not necessarily stupid and whores do not necessarily lack hearts, although both will eventually develop those lacks through their behaviour.
I think you gave a new slant
I think you gave a new slant to 'we're off to see the wizard' in this and perhaps it's just what the old film needed lol a weirdelf twist :)
what if this crack whore
made me an offer I couldn't refuse?
Don't slander those Irish, they're political prisoners.
I'm a-mused when I see
I'm a-mused when I see possible revisions of an already enjoyable poem that does its job, so to speak.
If one thinks about it: self and other, nature and thought, this and that feelings are about the only poetic subjects...however, there are endless variations on these themes.
We often rewrite the same poem a thousand different ways, especially if one makes the same observation that the 19th century poet/mystic Bokonon wrote of: "Let your life be the poem you write."
~A
~A
My first priority always, is my life poem,
and that you can't re-write.
I seldom do more than tinker with the other ones. There was a small revision on this one, to make the last stanza about me. That'll probably be it.
Like I said, I kind of fond of it.
you persist in showing your willful ignorance
you don't comment on poems by running them in a spell and grammar checker. Grammar checkers are very often wrong. And yes, I am concerned with spelling and grammar, stop commenting from your stupidity.
Try watching "The Wizard of Oz" again, the way the language is spoken precludes punctuation.
And this is stream workshop, so you are welcome to display your mean mindedness. Your comments on Shark Pool workshops make you look spiteful.
oh, and I changed the title
on advice from my doctor, believe it or not.
Jess
I have too say, this is the best bullshit you have ever written. I am amazed that you could write dribble like this and make it work. Damn brother you're truly something else. Anna is right I laughed the whole way through, an explanation is not needed Were you medicated when you wrote it, I'd like to know. Over the rainbow medicated or just plain straight.
i enjoyed this write, and its turn to the otherside of Kansas.
"hey. where's the ulgy dog?"
Eddie
A little known fact, Eddie
I have a malfunctioning adrenal gland that instead of producing adrenaline produces mescaline.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it
teehee
hahaha!
Says the medicated man.
They never tell the story of that man in the WOZ.
He's the whole story, the medicated wizard.
He has them all high and believing. Now that's taking a ride over the rainbow. Hahaha!!
Eddie