The Way Of The Past

That is the way of the past,
Like the pebble that falls
To the bottom of the well.

Swallowed up in the dark
Chasm of Time's gullet;

In the silent drifting
Into the unknown,
And then abruptly ending
With a satisfied splash.

The day is gone,
The clock has ticked away.
The moon has yawn'd.
The night has tured to day.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ghana, GHA

Favorite Poets: William Shakespeare

Comments

I really like this poem. My

I really like this poem. My only suggestion would be to lose the 4th The. End your poem with

Night has turned to day.

Cheers,
Anna

Thanks

Thanks for your suggestion. I see the point.

Anna's comment is correct.

And while this is a satisfying poem, I think I yearn for a little more significance. It basically says the past is the past.

Cosign

I agree with you. There's not much being said in the poem :(

I think what Jess said is relevant..there are some images there but it has no cohesive story to it, if feels like fragments placed together and there is nothing of the author within the poem itself, it doesn't lend itself to a situation you might feel or be going through to draw the reader to have empathy for you through the poem. I guess a good lesson is write what you know and what is happening to you or around you, that way the poem comes across as realism but done with poetic device and metaphor. Oh and in the last line you have 'tured' instead of 'turned' :)

The Way Of The Past

About This Poem

About the Author

Comments

I really like this poem. My

Thanks

Anna's comment is correct.

Cosign

I think what Jess said is

Thanks

I just came back to this after reading "Hark!"

Thanks Guys!