CCfire
CCfire
Jul 13, 2011

constellation

on nights when the rain embroiders doilies
i am writing to you to keep my hands warm
the rainpuddles are not forgotten and
i tell you that the next storm is coming
carrying crowns

on the streets, oil slicks
these are your rainbows
hung out to dry and
childhoods?

they are like our love
they are a beach
and i don't know the words i will write
until they turn against me
like an outgoing tide

you were the trellis the stars climbed
when you dreamed of me as
the sweet face of the moon

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Bukowski

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

I, too have seen the rainbows in oil slicks.

you were the trellis the stars climbed
when you dreamed of me as
the sweet face of the moon

This is absolutely lovely. There is longing within your words.

always, Cat

K

Hi CC, I went shopping and was thinking about your poem. Some small tweaks I'd make, but
the largest one is omitting the last line and the word as.

you were the trellis the stars climbed
when you dreamed of me,
sweetly.

and then I'd call your poem *Moonface*

K

Yes. It's amazing what you have forgotten until someone reminds you, i remember seeing rainbows in gasoline puddles.

...And returning to the poem today, CC, (though I don't get the Aussie side joke) all is wonderful as is, sometimes I think wayyyyyyyyy too much; it's not good for my word constipation, oops I mean constitution. (Just kidding, plumbing's working fine.)

~A

CCfire

Anna...please google Bert Newton...he is an aussie icon in the entertainment field and he's always had the nickname Moonface and I am sure his wife loves him dearly but....as this is personal lol you had me seeing his face instead of who it was intended for and that almost made me gag lol...:D