Cracked
Fraudulent shell unyielding
tough exterior hiding internal bleeding,
frail and fractured.
Fusion of insecurities protected.
Verbal dexterity,
erecting barriers, to ward off feeling.
Splintered shards lacerate
and jab flesh,
droplets of vulnerability.
Prod and poke the meat
abrasions remain eternal,
Pulping organs.
Tough little kernal
Self healing,
Mending each fissure.
Deformed and scarredÂ
but gives impression of
Wellbeing.
Comments
Simple lines...
to produce a picture of someone about to crack! No crits. Just praise for this one! ~ Gee
Gee
Thank you my friend.
Love Lou
Jayne
LOL!!! Won't tell you to piss off , just not sure how I can flesh it out.
Love Lou
Jayne
i'd be interested to hear your ideas, but I hope you won't be offended if I don't use all of them.
Thank you
Love Lou
Jayne
Jayne,
I've used your idea for the line about internal bleeding. I didn't use your second idea, but it did inspire me to add an extra few words.
Thank you that was helpful.
Love Lou
You are a fine poet
and an accomplished wordcafter, you know it.
So I would like to issue you a challenge, which I also issued to Paul tonight.
Write a poem about sheer unadulterated joy, ecstasy of the proportions of epiphany.
This is my way of suggesting you could extend your range and it is a serious challenge. I have tried and believe me it is very, very hard to do.
Jess
Thank you, ok your on
lou
Jess
Jess,
good call, I look forward to the results.
Go for it Lou.
regards,
HS
Dan
Dan,
remember when we had a similar challenge? My poem was happy right up to the last line, then I decended into Hell LOL!! I'll try not to do that this time.
Lou
Lou
Lou,
yes i remember our challenge well, and yes you were happy all the way through until you fell off into hell on the last line!!
LOL!
Good luck with Jess's challenge, I hope he will also be writing a happy, joyful poem too.
regards,
HS
Jess
My happy poem is here http://new.neopoet.com/node/4877
Lou
eeeek! Do I have to write one too?
Oh crap. Really put myself in it there, but can hardly refuse. give me a few days.
Lol
Yes you do
Lou
A few days!
A few days! You have until the end of today!...no excuses and detention will be given out for failure to hand in your homework on time.
HS
Dan
LOL\!!!
Lou