can you hear me, Lord
when i cry
sometimes, i feel like
i could die
my cross is heavy
my path dark
the wounds i carry
leave their mark
can you hear me, Lord
when i cry
i am not hard yet
by and by
i wonder if you
hear me, Lord
sometimes i do
cry to you
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dear Rosi
Thank you so much for your wonderful remarks. At the time I wrote this, I felt all of the things that you mentioned above. I have an anxiety disorder and some days are not so great. I do the best I can. Writing seems to be the best therapy for me.
Love,
Faith
Dear Faith
inner feelings innocently expressed..what struck me most is the innocence ...
much love..
Dear Raj
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words.
Love,
Faith
your so touching poem
....i do identifay my self with your cry....
i can ear it very well and if you stil have some comunication problems , i will join
you and will cry together.HE must listen
and must help .is HIS duty.best wishes , itzhak.
Dear Itzhak
Thank you so much for your kind words and your offer to help. Since I wrote this my communication is greatly improved and I am sure my prayer has been answered. Thanks again. Your comments deeply touched me.
Love,
Faith
Now, how do I say this
Now, how do I say this without sounding like a bitch?
Faith, we all have our views, and the *dark nights of our soul*. So this poem is new in as much as it is you *crying out of your wilderness*.
Now, how about making it your unique experience, in a here-to-fore unheard of poem, an experience that shows rather than words that tell?
~A
I'm Afraid To Say
You didn't
Yes, you might conclude you
Yes, you might conclude you wrote a poem and posted, entitling it "Can you hear me cry". But what if you wrote of something that brought you to your lowest *faith*, testing you, and somehow you managed to rise above it, and wrote THAT as a poem.
That would be taking your *poem* to the next level. Right now, it's been written pretty much in the same manner hundreds if not thousands of times, Marie.
Poetry is all about identifying one's own UNIQUE voice. No one else quite like *y/ours*.
~A
I Guess Your Aim Is To Be Hateful Not Helpful
Mean people suck.
Dear Rosi
Thank you, Rosi. I appreciate your kind words very much. You are a true friend.
Love,
Faith
Good Lord, Marie, how could
Good Lord, Marie, how could you have extrapolated that I was being hateful?
We see what we want to see, don't we? I was merely asking you to not make a *generic* poem but put your life experience into it, thus making it truly yours...
If you prefer and somehow you see me as being hateful to you, I'll let you get over it, and I won't comment again.
~A
He hears you :)
That's a great poem. Just to let you know, i go to church, and i know he hears you every time you cry. He catches each tear you shed in a bottle and keeps it. He loves us very much. I know at times it feels as though he doesn't but the truth is he does. Okay Nichole that's enough lol.
Nichole
Dear Nichole
Once again, I thank you for reading and responding to my work. Your comments are very much appreciated. I am going to go check out some of yours now. Thanks again for stopping by.
Faith