crypticbard
Nov 23, 2010

Looking out the kitchen window

`

my finger traces
a still barely
visible band
on my 4th finger

our ex-anniversary
is now my memory

a constant companion
to might have beens

yesterday had so much
prospect and promise
today I face a sink
full of dirty dishes

`

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Country/Region: AUS

Favorite Poets: There is nothing quite as boring as a life completely devoid of shadows.

More from this author

Comments

Victorclaude

"yesterday had so much
prospect and promise
today I face a sink
full of dirty dishes"

I don't know if the adage "fish or cut bait" exists where you live, but it came to mind when I read this last stanza, and how true this last stanza is.

Wow. . .

Victor

C

I am sure I could catch the drift of that adage, but only vaguely recall hearing it used. That must be the essence this poem was attempting to capture. Thanks for sharing your feedback. Joining you in looking up at the stars. Freds

Geezer

Geezer

14 years 5 months ago

no faults that I see. I just had to say, that this was really good writing. ~ Gee

loved

loved

14 years 5 months ago

i do so fish

and as you are a dish washer

you have better practice
of lovely long fingers

so i love your poetry
i wrote a double fired
ommellette one
for thee

loved

Read some poetry of mine

the rainbow in me

perhaps you could see

if it merits

any comments

from thee
ur fingers are lovely
as a philli
perhaps u be/rrrrrrrrrrrr

S

a sink full of dirty dishes compared to a failed marriage.....wonderful originality................scribbler

Edevold

the poem really gets going at the end. I guess you could consider rewriting - with the last stanza beginning the poem and then going deeper and adding more from there... Just my thought... a good honest write as it is.... makes one think,,, the poem does it's job and makes the reader empathize and reflect .....

C

Thanks Edevold. I will see how I can act on this suggestion. It is not the first time one of my poes could have it's stanzas and/or lines moved around. Funny how they get 'constructed' that way. But I digress.... thanks for your comments and suggestions. Keep tuned and watch out for developments. There should be some soon. Cheers, Freds

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 5 months ago

CB,

started off sad and bitter, and then you turned it around with the reality of the sink of dirty dishes!...awesome!

HS

C

crypticbard

14 years 3 months ago

the banality of this scenery makes it a majestic setting for the poem.

themoonman

You have captured a forlorn moment of reflection
and delivered it to the audience ... made it a very
real poem for me. At first I thought the title too long,
but it adds much to the long moment .... I've read this
piece at least three times, and have enjoyed the power
of it each time.

thanks for sharing

C

I am quite relieved that having altered the title from simply 'Kitchen Sink' has not totally detracted from the essence of the poem. My initial worry was that of its own 'kitchen sink' seemed to steer the reading mind away from the direction that the poem was headed. It is in fact a long moment... and encapsulated in such a few number of verses. Note as well that the persona was not identified as either male or female. I am humbled by your continued return to this particular poem. A poem's longevity and durability is something I regard with some value. Cheers, Freds.

C

That's the natural flow in the timeline of the poem. After freezing a moment in time, we move on to the next bit of the story. Taking off the ring and moving on is the main element of the subsequent poem. A sequel if you will or a new chapter. Thanks for reading and responding. You are most heartfully appreciated. Cheers, CB

loved

loved

14 years 3 months ago

My Ring Finger

The fingers I see,
Long, pointed and soft,
As a lotus flowers,
Distant memory fades
It graces the face
The fingers once did trace,
As it leaves a churning
Whirl in me

I look beyond my window
Many passers by I see
Who perhaps have yet to do?
Many a chores that await me

The fourth finger
A remembrance of the love
Then so pure
Now in eyes a tear
A quivering sore

The ears continuously ring
As I wash the dishes
Through autumn to spring
The memories of anniversaries
My finger continues to string.
`

C

I always do the dishes. I no longer wear a wedding band because we both misplaced ours and could not replace them for lack of dispensable income. The mountain does pile up time and again, but the dishes always get done. :-)) Cheers, CB