Race_9togo
Race_9togo
May 30, 2011

Epiphany

There came a lurch within my chest
when you put my car in gear
and eased us out from our driveway,
not because I feared your lack
of skill behind the wheel,

but because I looked at you
as you stopped us on the edge
of busy street and watched you
look, turn and accelerate
with the confidence that only comes
from being comfortable inside
one's skin,

and I knew then
the little girl I raised
has become a formidible woman,
filled with grace and beauty
few men will be unmoved by,
an ease of action,
an intelligence
and strength of purpose
others will always
try to emulate,

and these all tell me,
in your flashing grin
at seeing me watching you,
that I can pass
from your life now,
without the worry you
might be unsuccessful
and alone

How like your mother
you have become
in your womanhood,
how lovely and unique,
how strong.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Eduardo Cruz

Wow, I know this feeling.
I have three girls, they range
from forty years old
to the youngest being twenty.
Each has made me proud
to be a father of three lovely girls

Beautiful write!

Eddie

wesley snow

This didn't blow me away, but then it likely was not intended to. The language was simple and honest, dealing with a moment in life I will never experience. wesley

Race_9togo

Not intended to blow one away, just to capture that particular moment.

weirdelf

The word epiphany implies a crucial, spiritual, life-changing realisation, where this is more a gentle acknowledgement.

I hope her mother wasn't pissed off by the last 3 lines
"and yet how unlike,
how lovely and unique,
how strong."
Kinda of implies that she isn't lovely, unique and strong.
Or was that a bit of a dig?

K

Close call, eh? ;-)

There are those moments that we know we know *something* and those of our loved ones who see us knowing that something we now kno . It's a dance and a smile of simple recognition, not easy to articulate.

You have done so, beautifully and with graceful subtlety.

~A

M

I could not bring myself to comment on this the other day as I let it "Sit" with me for a while. I tell you it was heartfelt the love you have for your daughter and the things you mentioned are so much of how my father feels about me also. I like how this touched my soul and my very being and I know you must be an awesome father. I am not critiquing this for these are words only you can change.

Great writing
Spirit of you to you and your daughter - she is lucky to have a father like you
Ms Mona

faerybeki

A lovely touching write Jim, I thoroughly enjoyed it (all 3 times :) ) and how wonderful your daughter can be so comfortable in her skin :) down to how well loved she is no doubt ;) much love Beki xxx

S

I have no daughters but well recall the feeling of first realizing my "boys" were now men. I find nothing to suggest changing...............stan

Race_9togo

Yeah, it follows with boys as well as girls, its just that with all her friends pregnant or in dead-end jobs or both or no job she works full time, goes to school, and doesn't want a kid until she's in her 30s, lol. A father's dream.