What Mankind Has Done
But for the cold
Calculating stare
Of electric blue orbs
Lightening flashing
From within
You’d think it human
Others blind their eyes
And deafen ears
When in her presence
Faint whirrs and clicking
Are the only clue
That she
No longer lives
Once filled
With life’s passion
Flowing through every vein
The sole giving of all
To flora, fauna and mankind
Soft murmuring voices
Not unlike that
Of an old time
Party line
Once gave comfort
But the humanity
She so loved
Began tearing
Piece after piece
Of flesh and bone
Voices became louder
More discernable
Screaming words of hate, rage and anger
Lust and greed
Replacing the soft words
Of hope, caring and life
Till not a shadow was left
From the essence of her being
Now
Walking among them that are loathed
For creating the entity
Standing before you
No longer to remember
The world she so loved
For there is no longer life and she is reborn
From hatred
Comments
well then ...
remind me to stay clear of those blue orbs,
powerful write.
hmmm...
Man Made
Human Combustion
Look at your own expense
Don't feed the Bears
or
Feed the Bears
Man finally made something
I don't know, let me think on it, but I do agree it could
be stronger.
great to be back with my other family
Richard
powerful write chrys
i really enjoyed it
why not borrow from an already well known story and use just plain 'stepford' for the title?
love judy
xxxx
stepford
simulacrum ? looks the same yet totally different. I liked this for its despair.........scribbler
Yeah I enjoy this one
It is so very true, ill treatment begets despair, despair begets sociopathy and roboticism.
There are so many in the real world, like this.
Excellent write Chrys...disquieting but true.
All the above comments are apt
I love the current title except... the poem is written in the 3rd person. Stepford Her doesn't really work 8), would you consider doing the whole person in the first person? That would also allow for some scary hints of possible repercussions.
Also Lightening, Lightning I think you meant.
Great to see you.
A poem before I returned. I
A poem before I returned. I ditto Jess. It's difficult to know when to use first second or third person in a poem. For me the first person is always the most powerful along with the present tense.
I would end it with *from hatred*. Having a strong word such as hatred for the *last word*, imo adds even more impact. ("of man" is already hinted, understood).
~A
me again
I seldom change a title myself but rather than my earlier suggestion maybe "On Being Inhuman ".....just a thought............stan