Down within green silent shadows
of forested ravines carved deep
between the windswept sleeping dunes
that lie along the empty shore
Is where my God is found,
revealed deep down where march
of living trees conceals
all tales of modern life,
For the God I know eschews the
brick and mortar mortal men lay
down upon Her earthen flesh to
cover truth with lifeless versions
of their own.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Jayne-Chloe
I am smiling. I thought you would like this one.
Rosina
Thanks for reading and enjoying.
I believe that all of us need something or another beyond the mundane physical reality of our daily lives, something that takes out out of the ordinary and reminds us of those deeper levels of meaning.
The Indiana Dunes are that, for me.
Thanks again Rosina,
shadows
I wrote a poem "MY CHURCH ". It took me 9 verses to say what you just put in 3 verses. I applaud you........scribbler
Thanks Scribbler,
You should have seen the one I had, "The Church", on the old site: man, talk about LONG WINDED! lol.
I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
Jayne,
No, don't alter it, I would like to see it as is, please?
because,
You know what they say about Great Minds...
;)
"For the God I know eschews
"For the God I know eschews the
brick and mortar mortal men lay
down upon Her earthen flesh to
cover truth with lifeless versions
of their own."
Amen~!
Victor
:)
Thank you Victor, much appreciated.
amen to the amen,,, ah, men
amen to the amen,,, ah, men says She.
;-)
~
LOL
I can always count on you for those silly little bits of laughter that are so damned deep that I'd miss them if I didn't thouroughly ponder!
If She said women,
the whole world
would be a temple;
She should speak!
heehee
Thanks Anna.