To be human
I do it because it is there
And I love to be home and hosed
I take wrong risks
And want to be settled and married.
I have met my soul mate, often,
And loved deeply
I spread my memes,
Not my genes,
I give, love, lose and win
I live.
and I meditate on mortality
having lived extremely,
passionately and fully,
if I died tomorrow
it would piss me off
but it wouldn't kill me.
Comments
ta mate,
glad it worked for someone. Frankly I expect it to be slammed in critique. Over-use of "I", introspective sentimentality.
But that's what I felt when I wrote it, it is honest to me.
Jess, is this poem open to
Jess, is this poem open to workshop?
The only critique I offer is to end your poem with
I have met my soul mate, often,
And loved deeply
rather than repeat in the middle of the poem.
Also, maybe because there's an Aussie meaning I don't quite understand *hosed* for me has no value.
~A
Not for specific workshop.
mmm, I don't want to end with
I have met my soul mate, often,
And loved deeply
because that panders to artificial concepts of romantic love and life-fulfilment. Will lose the repetition, now you mention it.
"home and hosed" is an old saying, referring to horses being comfortably stabled after a long journey.
Hmmm. I thought I left a
Hmmm. I thought I left a response. For me, love capitalized is Universal Love, that can and does include romantic love which is hardly ever artificially pandering except with Hallmark Card type poetry.
Thanks for the explanation of house & hosed, hadn't heard that before.
I too wrote on the same subject this morning, will post after the 24-hr rule. Would be interested in your take, Jess.
~A
Wouldn't wish my genes on anyone, mate.
How much of it is genetic is arguable but there are heart disease, cancer, alzheimers and mental disorders on both sides of my family.
My memes will do.
ok, I get the message
I will impregnate someone first chance I get.
It's on my to-do-list for tomorrow with find a lover.
Oh this is so neat Jess,
Oh this is so neat Jess,
and I see no reason why "I" should not be used, who said it shouldn't and on what grounds, is it the proletariat that have coined the idea and abominate the sentimentality of the past poets of the Romantic period, I think possibly so, but as Joe says, was t? It all depends on HOW one does this, and if "I" is taboo, then all that I write is so too. Perhaps I hear you say YES, okay, touché, but I shall not discontinue for that. What I write is mine, and I decide what it shall be whatever way it is later judged.
But to return to this little piece, I like it from many points of view.
I like the ending as it is too.
Love Ann.
Mant thanks Ann, a thoughtful review.
I was just afraid that "I" might have felt over-used rather than as effective repetition.
oooh you wicked, twisted man!
proud of you.
But sincerely doubt Ann would consider carrying my demon spawn.
:)
:)
That whole last stanza is new.
Not sure about it.
I am such a person of whim,
I am such a person of whim, fancy and emotion, mercurial mind. Mostly like a darting hummingbird.
Today, we shall offer this for your perusal:
To be human
I do it because it is there I am
And I love to be home and hosed
I take wrong risks
And want to be settled and married.
I have met my soul mate, often,
And loved deeply
I spread my memes,
Not my genes,
I give, love, lose and win
I live.
and I meditate on mortality
having lived extremely,
passionately and fully,
if I died tomorrow
it would piss me off
but it wouldn't kill me.
See, all fixed. ;-) (It's as though you're channeling the Anna meme.) lol
~A
(the last stanza is kick arse!)
when giving critique it really helps
to put the changes suggested in [square brackets], the poem re-written makes it really hard to compare.
The line
"I did it because it was there " was a quote from Sir Edmund Hilary after climbing Mount Everest. So it stays.
thanks Anna, you are one of the best, just make it easier for me to see the changes you suggest.
There were NO changes, in
There were NO changes, in case you hadn't noticed.
lol.
~Ac
I didn't notice because it is a chore
to see a re-writing without constantly clicking back to the original.
If I make any changes I
If I make any changes I usually ** or (( )) them under the original lines.
~A
JC! Whenare you going to come to the Shark Pool?
You enrolled but this comment was just another nice comment.
I am going to track you down, tie you up, make you read bad poems and comment on them!
you committed. In or out?
The shark pool. you have not commented yet. We need to move on soon.
Raw - Edgy
To have lived fully is probably the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
Makes me want to dance on the moon tonight - or at least in the moonlight if the fancy strikes me.
"home and hosed"
?
wearing socks or taken advantage of?
Help me with a bit of clarification here - I have a feeling I am not quite getting your meaning.
All in all, this made me feel good. I wanted to say YES! I am going to live for me and make the most of it. A good way to begin the day. Thank you. ~Pamela
.
a confession
one of my favourite plays is "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead" by Tom Stoppard.
There are a few references to that play in this poem, but some missing are
"We cross our bridges as we come to them and burn them behind us and all we have left is the memory of the smell of smoke and that once our eyes watered""
LOL!
I LOVED IT!! This is all YOU Jess. This is a calmer version of the one I met many years ago but still the essence of you remains. If I died tomorrow, it would piss me off, but it wouldn't kill me. There has to a publication somewhere that holds a yearly contests for new and upcoming quotes of the century, this has got my vote, lol!!!
I love you Jess - you're the man
Kim
(V)
The award for rendering Jess speechless goes to...
(fumbles with the envelope)
Kim!
thank you!
you are very welcome -
you are very welcome - straight from the soul right back at you. I love this. Just as authentic as it can get!
Dear Jess,
I find this piece to be uniquely, YOU! A good read and insights into your Jess-ness! I particularly liked the lines:
and I meditate on mortality
having lived extremely,
passionately and fully,
if I died tomorrow
it would piss me off
but it wouldn't kill me.
but, I would remove (and) from the first line of :
and I meditate on mortality
also, what does the word "memes" mean?
always, Cat
thanks, will ponder on "and", it seems to me to fit.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meme
Let's share a thought here!
What are your thoughts about the overuse of "I"?
A dear mentor (on another poetry site) once told me that, it's the poet's biggest trap... I have been reading your verses today, I stopped at this one because I deeply like the message and to ask my question as well.
"I" is a "trap for young players"
Its over-use can take away from the accessibility and universality of a poem, making it introverted and selfish.
Judging by the critical response I got away with it in this piece. Possible because the themes are fairly universal.
if I died tomorrow
if I died tomorrow
it would piss me off
but it wouldn't kill me.
Great lines. You are showing your humaniy, buddy, and writing damn good poetry.
Joe
my elvenity?
[grins]
ta Joe
...leaves one thinking INSIDE OUT
I have just seen now what Joe wrote so well above;
but I too had come back here and reread this poem,
its a great lark of a poem to me, has humour and despair,
all the human elements in good ration
and leaves one thinking INSIDE OUT,
the I gets lost and becomes the ME
as we somersault about in your thoughts.
That's what it did for me
Just Ann of the north.
that's about the nicest thing someone could say of a poem
"leaves one thinking INSIDE OUT,"
ta Ann