paper umbrella
May 20, 2011

die Prognose

ich doese in der Sonne
und das Mitleid
hat mit der Begeisterung und dem Kutter

wir sind besorgt
und der Korbe wird nicht auftauen

das Geraeusch is schlaefrig
hoeflich
und auf die Schulter klopft ein Hand
neugierig und wissbegierig

der Erfolg hat keines Talent
nur die Disziplin
und meine Wortgewandtheit ist wagemutig
ehrlich nicht

ich habe den Verstand verlieren
und mein Herz
macht Karriere und besitzt die Lernbereitschaft

vieleicht habe ich vermasselt
misslangte

ich achte niemand
und die Umwelt wird verschmutzt
nie sauber

das Polareis hat sich verschlechtern
und wir sparen kein Energie

die Oeffentlichkeit is bedeutungslos
ich kein die Spur nicht
finden
under das Netz verlagert die Bibliothek
und ich analysiere die Analyse

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Not really a poem, just a list of German words I'm working with. I know that the metaphor is kinda "out there" lol! Please let me know if my grammar is off :)

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Favorite Poets: Nizar Qabbani

More from this author

Comments

Nordic cloud

Oh my Paper Umbrella, we need Nina back for this, and even Joe they understood your language, I am not sure how many here do, but I do not, well some words due o the similarity with Norwegian, but I am at a loss to comment on its quality!!! Good luck.

Love to you, I expect it is good as the poetry I have read from you is, and interesting too.
Ann of Norway

Race_9togo

I like the sentiments, but you are quite right in your finall word, and this does need a lot of work, to improve the grammar and some spelling ("miss arrived", for example).
This could be good, if not so disjointed.
I think German lends itself very well to poetry; Rilke is one of my favorite poets.
Edit this, and let's see how you geet on with it!
Kudos for trying it.

K

One of my favourite Rilke poems, translated of course, since I don't remember much German,
was retranslated by my almost-life-partner, Michael of Munich (where I was born). He, as a German and spiritual master, as well as poet, adept in English, gave a depth to the poem that it didn't have. German is a language of strength and imagery.

~A

CCfire

CCfire

13 years 11 months ago

In reply to by yenti

Ja..that's what Churchill said too :P lol