lou
lou
May 20, 2011

Theorum

Evolution considered, truth or dare ?
We are a planet of apes,
Drawn from the primordial ooze.
Quick to abuse.

We bare the burden of proof 
Pre-historic dwellers of earth
Developed and improved upon,
Since birth.

Adam and Eve created to deceive
Desperate for a comfort, 
Clawing for an explanation,
World filled with degradation.
 
We are aliens in a strange universe,
Infinite existence,
Or Armageddon to ensue.
Theory or hypotheses?

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

except fro the Ana Eve eve reference, We are all accountible for our actions. region delusion has nothing todo with it

lou

lou

13 years 11 months ago

Thanks

lou

K

I like this poem and the spin you give on Armageddon. Though there's a slight change I would make:

Evolution considered, truth or dare ?
We are a planet of apes,
Drawn from the primordial ooze.
Quick to abuse

And bare the burden of proof
Pre-historic dwellers of earth
Developed and improved upon,
Since birth.

Adam with Eve created to deceive (instead of adam and eve)
Desperate for comfort, (remove a)
Clawing for an explanation,
World filled with degradation.

Are we aliens in a strange universe? (switch for question)
Infinite existence?
Or Armageddon to ensue?
Theory or hypotheses?

~Ac

lou

lou

13 years 11 months ago

thank you that makes sense.

lou

lou

lou

13 years 11 months ago

Thank you that is very kind of you.

Lou

lou

lou

13 years 11 months ago

Thank you very much, im still considering whether I feel the edits will work.

lou

lou

I thought that you were saying that you didn't think I should take notice of your praise, because you you can be wrong about it being good. If I have misunderstood, then im sorry.

Lou

weirdelf

It was praise indeed.
I can be a nasty bastard but my praise, and my crit, are always honest and genuine.

lou

For your information the title is a reference to a word used in a book on evolution that i am reading,

Did'nt occur to you that that the poem is supposed to pose a question?

And as for the rest of your opinion, it is just that, you are supposed to be writing a critique that will help the writer, not critiquing the writers theme.

Lou

lou

lou

13 years 11 months ago

As I said to Theo theTheorum, is not a mis-spelling, it is a reference to a word used in a book I am reading.

Thanks for the critique.

Lou

M

This write to me is a think upon write meaning it gives one to think of the hypothesis of evolution as so many have differing opinions on it, justifiably so.

Your first line sets the stage

Evolution considered, truth or dare ?

so to me it is truth or dare the truth. There have been so many different theories presented, the big bang, Adam and Eve, the Apes. WHere do we fit into the thought of this is what I got out of it. Please correct me if I am wrong here but I feel it is more presented as a question and a good one at that.

I can not add anymore crit to it for it is written to me for thought processing and a good one at that. Let me know if I am spot on or spot off.

Love at ya gal
Mona

lou

lou

13 years 11 months ago

thanks Mona , yes it is presented as a question.

lou

Race_9togo

I like this. If it is intended to elicit a response of questioning in the reader, concerning evolution/creationism then this works very well.

I am struck by this:

"Evolution considered, truth or dare ?
We are a planet of apes,
Drawn from the primordial ooze.
Quick to abuse."

Which I think could be used to illustrate some of the rancor your poem has elicited from others, lol.

Nice one Lou, keep writing.

lou

lou

13 years 11 months ago

You are correct the idea of the poem is make the reader question their attitude to evolution v creationism. The subject matter was bound to provoke someone.

Thank you I'm glad you liked it.

Lou