Imperfect Future
Now, I fear, my age I show
By being fat and bald and slow.
I have no way to combat time
But hope to please you with this rhyme.
I dream about those years gone by,
When you and I were young and spry,
My memories still warm and clear,
Exciting times with you, my dear.
My student days, that grubby flat,
The swinging sixties, we cool cats
The night we met, our lives entwined,
These treasures kept fresh in my mind.
How you became my guiding star,
Without whose light I won't get far.
Hold me , my love, don't let me go,
Although I'm fat and bald and slow.
Comments
You pleased me too.
Oh this was charming and lovely, and to me perfectly put in every detail.
It made me smile :)
Love AnnW
smile
Thank you, Ann, for the kind words, I'm delighted that you enjoyed it.
Love
Ian XX
A beautiful poem of days gone
A beautiful poem of days gone by
yet the love never die's
I feel that some of the rhyme
felt forced. like in these to lines:
"My student days, that grubby flat,
The swinging sixties and all that."
I think, only my opinion, that maybe in keeping with the sixties it would make better sense
if you wrote it this way:
My student days, that grubby flat,
The swinging sixties and I a cool cat.
hey bud it's your poem just my opinion.
I loved it any way, the point is I felt what you tryed to convey.
Eddie C.
critique
Thanks, Eddie, for taking the time to help me with this. I accept your input and have changed the line, which is an improvement. All help is appreciated.
Regards
Ian
Ian
thanks, so much better not a hitch in the road my friend.
Eddie C.
thanks for your Participantion in "Slpash Pool"
"In all your love you attempt
"In all your love you attempt to grow
Though you’re fat and bald and slow.".......Ayaz Warith
Imperfect
We old men have to try to compensate for our weaknesses, Poetry is as good as any to give your woman an appreciative lift to her libido
Glad you enjoyed it
Regards
Ian
Ian
i still write poetry for my lady Jonette, it's a pleasure when I see the look in her blue eyes after she reads a poem, I've written for her alone.. She has saved everyone of them she says that when i am gone I will still provide for her when she turns them into a book, shin, shin she always says Hahaha!
Eddie
(I just turned 57 yesterday the 17th, happy birthday to me)
coincidence
I quite agree with you, Eddie, writing poetry for the one you love can be very rewarding' My birthday is also the 17th, but of March. My sister was called Janette. A very happy birthday to you, Eddie
Regards
Ian
Ian
St. Patricks day my youngest daughter who is 22 is born on the same day how interesting?
Eddie C.
Deleted
Deleted
Ahh!
Excellent ryhming! This poem made me smile!
Thank you for sharing your work.
Love Mand xxxxx
Imperfect
Glad it made you smile, it made my wife smile too
love
Ian xxxx