I shall go quietly
albeit with my chains
released into the ethers
without pleasure, without gain.
Dissociative dimness
dumbs down the mind
Indifference is Nature's way
of release, from the unkind.
No love for love
given freely over time
No pity for this fool
who's passion proved the only crime.
BB 19 November, '10
Comments
Thanks
Shirl and Lonnie! Nice that this piece cuts both ways - ie. both genders. But isn't the loss of love an experience for either?
Thanks for the read and the compliments!
Cheers
Bonitaj
I'd not have a life without passion, and I'd neither wish it on anyone else. But I understand that life must be balance, as you put it in Nature's way.
This is a beautiful write. Not catering to what others might want, but simply stating what you feel. There can be nothing wrong with that.
Hehe! And while Lonnie may be somewhat right with no good deed going unpunished, I also am somewhat of a romantic, and somewhat of an optimist:) So let us say that no good deed deserves punishment, and that the world shall rectify what has been wrongly done.
Yours
Waldo
nice write
'Dissociative dimness
dumbs down the mind' - great alliteration boni
i very much enjoyed this
i especially liked the lines
'Indifference is Nature's way
of release, from the unkind.'
- so many cut themselves off when rejected.....
one small thing....
'who's passion proved, the only crime.' (i don't think you need the comma)
love judy
hello
It is unfortunate that there are givers and takers. It is even more so when the giving is one sided. Enjoyed the read and unobtrusive rhyme. Did not catch it until I read Judy's comment, but now wonder if who's should be whose. I'll leave it for you to decide...............scribbler
How could I not read a poem
How could I not read a poem with love in its title?
You have served it well with this poem, Boni,
~A
p.s. I also would remove the comma though I would not separate into 2 lines.
I LIKE IT!!
The suggested edit - and of course the praise from such as worthy as yourselves!
Thanks guys!
Boni
Oops duplicated message
Hence scrapt
Oh charming song Bonni
Oh yes judyanne saw immediately
the same thing as myself
but I call it the music of this poem
it is so full of rhythm and sounds
that trip along through the mind in such a happy manner,
I too like it very much
and will come to it
as one comes to a favourite song
to listen to.
I even think another comma can go between release....form the unkind.
as the hesitation becomes too long.
Luv Ann.
Oh Ann
You are always so complimentary - it's a pleasure to have you on my page! ;)
Thanks
Boni
when I mean it
I'm only complimentary when I mean it and I meant it here.
Love to you wherever you are, Ann.
Boni
I liked this self poem and how you used your own expressions of words to tell a story here. I read it twice and sorry I see nothing to change or submit as far as a critique. It spoke to me and that is enough for me to say this is a well written prose.
Smiles at you girl
Mona