mand

Apr 18, 2011

Adam's House Of Horror's

Torture system
Stretching cracks
Snapping bones and breaking backs.

Daily grinding
Rusty chains
Deeply flaying marrow pains.

Poison potions
Slyly nursed
Drunk to quench a dying thirst.

Vital organs
Slowly fed
Bleeding toxins to the head.

In confusion
Happy dreams
Drown the sound of harrow screams.

Withered muscles
Flapping flesh
In the graveyard maggot creche.

Bloated bodies
Crawling flies
Spilling out of hollow eyes.

Adam’s children
Born as slaves
Soon succumb to stone cold graves.

Poison potions = metaphoric for lies, deceit and for physcial things like food additives, drugs etc. Dying thirst = people need hope and drink in the poison ( lies etc ) hoping it will give them relief, but instead of relief all they get are false dreams.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

Hi ya Eph!!

Good to hear from ya. I hope you are alright! I'm still working on this one so any suggestions are welcome.

Ha ha, like your comment about Eve, made me laugh.

Thanks Eph.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Good one

Bravo to this polished piece, Mand. I enjoyed this write.

Love
Licia XXXX

Hi Licia

This is like the good old times! Lol Glad you enjoyed the write - slightly dark this time.

Love Mand xxxxxxxxx

hey mand

Reminded me of when I was in the inquisition .........................stan

Hi Stan

I wouldn't have liked to have lived in medieval times -
I would have been burned as a witch (I have a mole on the back of me head).

You being in the inquisition is a STRETCH of the imagination!. Lol

Thanks for reading and commenting Stan! hope you're having nice wheather and you're family are o.k.

Love Mand xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi China Blue

Ha ha true, I would call it vile too. My father-in-law spent the last seven years of his life in agony with crumbling bones, athritis, gout, diabetes, emphysema, piles, weak heart, kidney faliure, enlarged liver, dvt, dementia, enlarged prostrate
( which meant he had a superpubic cathater often causing urine infections ). He was a proper gentleman and worked hard in the gas works shovelling coal in his youth - I just thought how sad it is that men/women spend their lives working - only to die in such horrible pain. I could go on about how we are fed poisons
( metaphorically and physically ) contributing to human suffering. Though sometimes we are our own worst enemies. This poem is about the reality of life/death ( but only from my perspective though ).

Hope I didn't depress you.

Thanks for reading and commenting

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

Hi Lonnie

Always nice to hear from you. Hope you're alright.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

Love Mand xxxxxx

Hi Shirl

Sooo good to see your smiling face! You always manage to cheer me up.

Thanks Shirl - I hope everything is progressing well for your wedding arrangements.

Keep safe and happy

Love Mand xxxxxx

Quite the alchemist Mand,

Quite the alchemist Mand,
I shuddered and felt that I was peeping into Madame Tussauds and seeing the cahracters of the murderers area carrying out dreadful things.
Great fun this one, it works well.
Love Ann

Hi Ann

It was a bit of a dark one this one!! I wrote it not long after my father-in-law died, I was feeling angry at the time because he suffered so much. Not angry at him though, he was nice.

Nice to see your smiling face! thanks for commenting Ann.

Loads of love.

Mand xxxxxxx