Nearly there…
It’s early morning and yet me
and six billion humans are rushing
headlong down the road to nowhere
with only a lifetime to get there.
This long dark road curves
like a steel rope
carrying all our weight
our hope
white lines pass intermittently
with a click of the cats eyes
under our wheels
my mind turns to road tax
politician inconsistent selfish
untruthful the shady deals
Strange where the mind gallops
on long journeys without will
running through scenarios
uncontrollably until
you reach conclusions
of an ending
that is never really serious
mostly pending
waiting for the first real
voice of reason
desperate for guidance
terrified of treason
Still this is life we can’t choose
ever in it to win always
set to loose along with our credentials
maybe some hair some incidentals
one true voice or decision
caught up within their derision
Treated like school kids in a cake
shop told to stand still then don’t stop
Comments
well written
I thought this was well written and very descriptive. It got me thinking about my life jumping headlong down the road. Indeed it is taking me a life time to get there lol. nice one
Thank you,
Thank you for your comments and time. Regards Roscoe..
Thank you,
Thank you Ian i am pretty busy at this time so please forgive the late reply. Regards Roscoe..
So you and I shared the same
So you and I shared the same road, the same destiny? Meander at your own pace, dear Roscoe, we'll meet again and again.
Lots of meat on that poem, perhaps some can be trimmed.
~A
Thank you,
Thank you, am i glad to see your back among us. Love Rosceo...
captivating write roscoe
i so very much enjoyed reading this...
was pulled right along with you
It’s early morning and yet me
and six billion humans are rushing
headlong down the road to nowhere
with only a lifetime to get there. (i really like this opening)
some suggestions (imho i stress)
This long dark road curves
like a steel rope (I’d lose the ‘like’)
carrying all our weight
our hope
Still this is life we can’t choose (sounds a bit cliché – perhaps ‘still in this life'...)
ever in it to win always (i’d lose the ‘ever in it'
set to loose along with our credentials (lose)
love judy
Thank you ,
Thank you Judy i like the suggestions, i will work on this when i have more time. Love Rosceo...
Thank you,
Thank you Lonnie, and of course your correct it is lose. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe ...
I enjoyed this poem today, you've had some good
suggestions, some could be trimmed down and made
stronger, and perhaps some punctuation would help the
reader find your rhythm ... very good poem sir, thanks for
posting.
Richard
Thank you,
Thank you Richard, as i said above will get back to work on it soon. Regards Roscoe..
Its the interesting rhyme bits I like here.
Hei there Roscoe,
"politician inconsistent selfish"...should there be an S on politician?
I just loved this until the last big verse:-
"Still this is life we can’t choose
ever in it to win always
set to loose along with our credentials
maybe some hair some incidentals
one true voice or decision
caught up within their derision"... I feel you left the thoughts and got bogged down with the rhythm? Judyanne says some good things for this I think.
The lovely way you have rhymed in this is a new way for me to read and I enjoyed the freshness of it. I can absolutely relate to the subject; the motio of a car can set the notion of a poem can't it.
Love Ann.
Thank you ,
Thank you Anne you are correct it should be politicians and i will polish this up soon . Love Roscoe..