There are snails in my aquarium,
they eat and inch along the glass.
Fish don't harass or bother them
nor watch them as they slowly pass.
They slink along and slide about
within their mobile homes of shell,
creep like a bent old man with gout.
Yet they seem to do just swell.
But every once in a great while
these plodding, plain and mundane snails
turn loose and stretch and maybe smile?
and through the water they set sail!
So the question that I ask of you
why can not such as you and I
with a change in point of view
occasionally also thus fly?
Comments
Sailing
we do it sometimes, but no one notices not even ourselves, because of preoccapation. So we miss it.
Very interesting write and observation by you my friend.
Eddie C.
hi Eddie
Often the only time we know we've flown is when somebody else tells us.................stan
ah, you've done it, my friend.
I have suggested in the past that your adherence to classical form precludes meaningful content, but this one hits a nice spot!
Brilliant wordcrafting, it doesn't feel structured.
My only complaint is the line
as across the water they set sail
they don't. That one line alone, in my opinion, spoils the allegory.
hi Jess
Thank you. But you know, these snail actually DO stretch out their foot and "surf" the tiny currents in the aquarium but not every day. It surprised me so much the 1st time I saw it that I convinced myself I was seeing things. There is also a variety of salt water snail which does the same thing in the surf zone. So now you can add that to your collection of little known facts lol................stan
little known fact #5
duly added.
My crit stands though, perhaps you could clarify it with an expression of surprise or something.
hi
I'm always going back and tinkering with my messes lol. I will keep your thoughts in mind when I do so with this one. Thanks..............stan
To me this is Scrutiny and
To me this is Scrutiny and Examination of aquatics with beautiful and much mental dexterity. This is really a wonderful poem, Stan.
Regards
Ayaz
hello
Thank you. I just write what I see.................stan
hello
thanks for coming by. I seldom leave my stuff alone and will keep your idea in mind when I return to "pick" at this again................stan
Stan
very absorbing write and thought provoking too are the end lines...
hi raj
If even snails can fly even I have a chance lol. Thanks for coming by.............stan
hello
Thanks for coming by and reading..................stan
Oh big SMILE Stan.
Wouldn't we all?
To fly, but we do, sometimes in poetry,
sometimes in reality
when as we sail a small sail ship skimming across the water,
or ski over the snow jumping into the air now and then,
this is like flying to me;
and when, as yesterday,
I approached the brow of a hill through the dark pine wood and saw suddenly
a whole vista of woods stretching to the horizon far away,
the very blue lakes beneath,
then I felt as if I were flying.
But apart from that subject this flew us along in a perfect manner,
no bumps and I have no criticism of it,
splendid Stan.
Love from Ann
hi
Thank you Ann, may your wings remain spread....................stan
excellent revisions
small but effective.
It shows the true value not just of Neopoet and revising but yourself as a poet.
Hello
It's funny how letting something sit a while then returning to it makes areas for improvement so obvious isn't it? Thanks for the visit and supportive comment.........stan
Stan
My umbrella had to be de-mollusced the other day during a gentle downpour of green rain, I thought on the great plagues of the Egyptian's at first then was reminded here of your flying surfing snail and instantly knew what was going on, I looked to the sky and muttered a prayer God knows who to. where upon the rain ceased and since then only fish have rained on me, tee, he, he.
Great write and great to see you are bending to the groups input,
Yours as always Ian.T, He, He.
hi
I wonder if Anybody is a good judge of their own work, I Know I'm not so I depend on others to spot foibles when I scribble something down.
I heard growling and hissing within a thunder cloud one day and before long it was raining cats and dogs lol