faerybeki
faerybeki
May 06, 2011

Amourosis

My love,
last night I dreamt
that I was
blind,
and You
described
each tiny thing
with vibrance
and such clarity
that when I woke
I wished
I could not see.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thanks Ian and Ann for their title suggestions, in the end I decided to make up a word lol an amalgamation of amour (love) and amaurosis (vision loss), but does it work?!!! :)

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

More from this author

Comments

faerybeki

Thanks Ian, I like your suggestion, Vision might work well :) What a beautiful clematis, happy days indeed my friend, much love xxx

Nordic cloud

Curious thought and yet your seeing has made you
able to appreciate what was described,
the "you" must be a poet too?

It could be called 'Sight' or 'Blind sight,'

A nice little poem, with love Ann.

faerybeki

Lovely Ann, curiouser and curiouser said Alice ;) yep this was another funny one, there wasn't really a dream and the 'you' isn't a poet, there was only this poem, which came in it's entirety. I like your title suggestions too and can see that it does require a 'proper' title, thank you Ann, much love Beki xxx

R

raj

13 years 11 months ago

this write has an ethereal quality..how beautifully you have expressed the relationship of love...i thoroughly enjoyed the script...

much love..

faerybeki

Dearest raj :) always happy if you enjoy one of mine :) thank you for taking the time to stop and comment, you're appreciated, much love Beki xxx

faerybeki

Darling Jayne, I didn't know, no. It's funny when I think of you I always see you as so strong, thriving almost (I know you might not be but I want you to be so I 'see' you this way, hoping it might help :) ) I mostly type with one hand lol as there's generally a child needing the other :)) Glad you liked this one hon, another funny little write but I was instantly fond of it myself, which makes a change lol always fab to see you lovely :) love always Beki xxx ps expect only the best sweetheart and you'll manifest it :) love you xxx

Eduardo Cruz

the title suggest clandestine affair, is it that the other is not aware of the writers love or is it an affair hidden from the world.
Well all and all the dream is beautiful, truly enjoyed it.
Well done!

Eddie C.

faerybeki

Eddie C, so glad you enjoyed it and felt it was well done. Your comments on the title are very interesting... I think perhaps I was trying too hard to be clever...thank you so much for your presence here, much love xxx

S

liked the title, liked the poem. No suggestions...............scribbler

faerybeki

Thanks scribbler :) good to know you're happy with the title :) I'm not 100% but will leave be as can not think of anything 'better' at the mo :) much love xxx

Race_9togo

Wow.
How simple in construction, and profound in meaning. True poetry, and I find myself unable to find anything wrong with this piece.
Most excellent. Bookmarked.

faerybeki

Dearest Jim :) last 2 poems, 2 wows and 2 bookmarks ;) your opinion has always meant so much to me and I feel I must be getting somehwere good to get such feedback from you my friend :) I have learnt so much here in the last few years, with all it's ups and downs, even when I can't log in for ages, Neopoet has been wonderful for me and my writing, thank you :) can't tell you how much I appreciate you Jim, much love xxx ps the shorter my poems the less to be wrong lol :))) more love xxx

P

what a truly lovely write

simple, clean structure,
and graceful lines with a delicacy that
belies the impact of the words

i've got no problem with made-up words if they
suit ...and to me, the title suits

2 very minor suggestions ...use or lose

perhaps "that" in line 3 is not needed?
have you considered "awoke' instead of "woke"?
not a thing wrong with woke ...awoke just sounds
more poetic to my ear

again, very lovely

cheers
p

faerybeki

Thank you p :) sorry it's taken so long to acknowledge and reply to your comment. I can see where you're coming from with the suggestions and do like the idea of awoke, not sure about losing the that in the 3rd line, it doesn't read quite right to me without that extra syllable :) if I do go with awoke I might have to lose the that in that line lol (again a syllable thing, I guess I've got used to the way this one sounds, rhythm and timing etc) :)

Happy the title wors for you and you found some loveliness here :) thank you so much for stopping here p, suggestions most welcome anytime :) much love b xxxx

Esker

Esker

13 years 1 month ago

We see
and then we see
in vision new

we write prose
and then we write prose anew

How amazing I jump from a latest
post and link it back here and
read this from something that
I find immediate attraction too

your style of poetry of course
I dont want to change any of your
poem Y our way you write
with words gives me visions
of what you describe

Your title is original and apt
to be happily imbued not
with someones eye colour
and leaving it there
but in how they transcribe
feeling and description in a personal
and intimate script

how delightful to wake and feel
that desire
to want someones gift of sight
then just ones own

Thank You

Nordic cloud

This was beautifully neat as it is,
and a special poem in Neopoets
giving the same feeling as a Haiku.

Loved it on re reading today.

Oh LOOK here comes the sun
through the heavy mist of morning.

Goodmorning all and specially you,
Nordic cloud.