california offers
no excuses
vanilla scents and
tastes
as if experience
is a first time
i sample it with
no expectations
a surprising occurrence
the entertaining flavor
will have no lasting effect
the sweetest fruit
never do
yet life gains another moment
to savor when days
wait
how sad it becomes
a time line for death
while courage lingers
almost as a ballerina
on nervous toes
another swan dies
in a land of indecision
Comments
Thank you Ros
Yeah he's a good guy and looks healthy now so it's a good thing, I am glad he hasn't fallen back into the bad habits
disjointed.
I can see where you are going and longer, more explicative lines would help carry the narrative.
A good write, and apart from a stronger sense of narratives, no suggestions.
Yeah I guess this came so
Yeah I guess this came so quickly out of a conversation and with me being preoccupied being on vacation most of this stuff is written quickly, I will get back to these and fiddle
a powerful write chez
'while courage lingers
almost as a ballerina
... on nervous toes
...another swan dies
in a land of indecision'
however i found it difficult to follow at first
mind you, multiple reads only led to greater appreciation :)
i know that punctuation in this style is not mandatory
but i wonder if it wouldn't help this write?
love judy
Punctuation is not my forte,
Punctuation is not my forte, I'd rather work on the line breaks to give the flow, it's contemporary narrative freeverse and yeah well a grammar and punctuation genius I am not but thanks
Interesting write
Powerful also as I know also too well the addiction of this drug and how it is affecting so many young and old alike. I have someone in my own family my nephew who is battling this addiction as I speak. It is a horrible drug and hard to get off of it when you start it. I get the essence of this write and you put me into your mind as you state so in your words.
Good job sis
Love Mona
Dear CC,
What a brilliantly conceived write! Your metaphor is well received, here. I can completely relate, as I was addicted to meth myself from age 18 to 25. (from fourteen to 18 it was diet pills that I stole from my mother)I was also dealing to support my habit. One day I wasn't careful and broke one of my own rules and got caught. I took a good look at myself and decided I didn't want to die like that. So, I set my mind to kick it, and I did. One of the toughest things I have ever done!
favorite lines are:
how sad it becomes
a time line for death
while courage lingers
almost as a ballerina
on nervous toes
another swan dies
in a land of indecision
always, Cat
p.s.
I'm so glad I read this!
I am so glad you beat that
I am so glad you beat that habit and so glad you could relate the metaphor to it as well. Thank you so much.
hello
still getting used to your style. i expect nobody would have known this was about meth addiction had you not explained so. I thought it about the hollowness of Hollywood life in general. But I AM kind of slow sometimes lol..........stan
Actually stan it would fit
Actually stan it would fit that as well, I've been helping my friend research her family tree and we've discovered her GGrandfather was in Hollywood trying to be an actor back in 1926 and perhaps the feel of it has conveyed that as well as the guy this is actually about who is a Californian as well.