Eduardo Cruz
Eduardo Cruz
May 11, 2011

THE DOOR OF MY NIGHTMARE! (inspired by Lou & Candlewitch)

THE DOOR OF MY NIGHTMARE!

Not a whisper can be heard
from my constricted throat
by the image
I behold with my eyes

Oh freedom, save me
from this creature
who's stepped out
of my horror filled nightmare's

Praying for escape
While held in the grip
of a living hell hound
born of fire and hate

Is there a God?
I hear no answer
from above
is my pleading, lost

I am a non believer
now caught in heated fear,
I seek
of him that does not exist

Drive please,
this nightmare back
through the opened door
Where dreams of fear are no more.

(as he awakens strapped to his bed in the Sanatorium)

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thanks to Lou and Cat for their most frighting write, that inspired this write.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem, USA

Favorite Poets: P. Neruda

More from this author

Comments

lou

lou

13 years 11 months ago

I'm happy that our poem enspired you, and I know Cat will be when she reads this.
Another convert to the dark side Wha ha ha!!! LOL !! I'll come back later, I need to give my critique some thought first.

Love Lou

Eduardo Cruz

One big soup. Hahaha!
thank you,
I am just trying to convey the fear generated by Lou & Cats Poem.

Eddie C.

lou

lou

13 years 11 months ago

I love this dark atmospheric poem, it has just the right feeling of dread, but I think it would be better if you didn't say creature twice, I think that you could find another word and that would work better. Also it might be more effective if you said 'the throat is constricted,' in the first Stanza, just sounds better.

In the second stanza you could say something like' drives you away,' I think 'wisks,' is a little tame for such a dark poem.

In the third Stanza it be might better to say' nightmares,' rather than 'dreams,' as
that is more in keeping with the scarey theme.

Whatever you decide, I think this is a really enjoyable poem.

Lou

Eduardo Cruz

your critique is dead on. Hahaha!
I made some changes not exactly yours , but in the vein of the poem.
thanks Lou

Eddie C.

Eduardo Cruz

You and I know the true dark monster that lives in our minds, which we have learned to keep locked in it's cell.
Few people know that to us rock and roll means to warroirs lock and load. They think it means to move.
Thanks my brothers

Eddie C.

Candlewitch

Wow! Lou and I inspired this write? I am just thrilled to have made such an impact on you! You write dark poetry very well. Welcome to the dark side, wade right in, the water is fine!

always, Cat (& eddy)