Eduardo Cruz

Apr 30, 2011

The way back (new title and revision)

Show me the way
back to your heart

Tell me how
to make love last

Give me a hint
of how I should start

So you’ll understand
what I want to share

Let me be
the light in your life

Show me the switch
that turns on your heart

Point out to me
which is the way

Please, take my hand
and lead me there

Let my broken heart
find love's path back.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem, USA

Favorite Poets: P. Neruda

Comments

Nice Eddie

Nice job and no nothing to crit. This is written from your heart and these words do not impart. Good job NY!!

Blessings
Mona

Eddie..

lovely innocent appealing heart calls...perhaps you may want to change the last two lines for more smoothness without losing the essence...just a suggestion..

P.S.: In line 13 you may want to correct the spello from "too" to "to"

raj

your right on the correction , it's a direction.
Thank you for the read my friend.

eddie C.

Wow we all would like our partners to ask that.

Wow we all would like our partners to ask that wouldn't we?

"So you’ll understand what I want to share"...I think I would say here just 'I want to share drop the what!

"Show me the switch that turns on your heart" ...however banal it might sound I think the turns-you-on is .....? In the context.

Does your partner have roads, its not the most endearing avenue to the heart or making love perhaps?
Then you repeat this word hard tarmac comes to mind, perhaps another word for this, like way, is softer or...

And there's more road to trudge!! You see what I mean Eddie?

Love from Ann.

Ann

Again your helping with my poem, again I say thank you sweet Ann.
If you don't ask how will our partners know. I am of the opinion that what is not said is lost in time and what is said will last an eternity.
Eddie C.

Dear Sweet Shirley,

thank you for the "stunning theme".
OXOX
Eddie C.

hello

At first I thought the lines a bit chopped, but then realized that was done on purpose. A lot of emotion packed into each short line...............stan

Stan

If I got pass you, then I'm good with this write. Hahaha!
thanks Buddy!

Eddie C.

lovely write eddie

full of emotion
i like the sometimes rhyme - it adds to the wishfullness of the poem

one little thing
'find loves path back.' - (love's - possessive noun)

i really like
'Let me be
the light in your life
Show me the switch
that turns on your heart'
- simple and sweet and full of longing

love judy

judy

thanks for the correction.
When I wrote that particular stanza, It just came flowing out of me, I looked down at it and thought this is just what I wanted to convey. I am happy you liked that one, because to me that one is the heart of the poem.
again thank you!