scribbler
May 09, 2011

STORMS

Distant thunder grumbles discontent
here at dimming of day's light
as the storm builds
in brilliant flashes

This tempest erupted suddenly
an hour ago skies were clear
then the sky exploded
from a kernel, like popcorn
latent energy
unleashed

Now set into random motion
direction determined by chaos
and of duration
short

Such is the very nature
of life's storms
so often seen
so seldom endured

waste no worry on distant storms
which so seldom approach
beware, rather, the near
whirlwinds

My periodic free verse attempt

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

S

It's pretty rough, but I'll keep picking at it lol...............stan

Nordic cloud

Ere's me crit Stan, just some things bothered me a little

"This tempest erupted suddenly...suddenly a tempest erupted

"from a popcorn kernel..perhaps-like a popcorn...odd for me otherwise!

"Now set in random direction...do you need- Now see

"Worry not of distant storms...suddenly worry not, seems old fashioned poetry where the rest isn't. Never fear? If you say worry not here then say in line two " here at dim of day" for instance!

Not quite happy with the finish for some reason.

Storms are in fashion for us aren't they Stan? Love to you from Ann.

Liked this verse:-
"Now set in random direction
determined by chaos
and of duration
short"

The short comes like a sudden surprise.