CCfire
CCfire
May 01, 2011

economy class

jewish boys have weak jaws
in the likeness of their god
alone on a cross

avoided sunlight
enhances pale skin
and i see them
set aside from us
and i don't feel unclean

she feeds me dinner
the leftovers of
what was not kosher
and i wonder
how clean were
five loaves of bread
the fish and the five thousand?
or was that thought of

once a priest found a way to make it so

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Bukowski

More from this author

Comments

Roscoe Lane

A controlled thought, just like religion is controlled for the people. Needs must when the priest has to get a message across. We can't have the truth spoil a good life for the ordained. Another powerful poem. Regards Roscoe

CCfire

I flew United to the States and I forgot the word 'kosher' gets you fed first instead of them running out of options lol...I wasn't that upset it just made for a poem with all those hours to think about it.

CCfire

passengers on a flight, airline staff is the she and the old bible story of jesus feeding the masses with bread and fish but if it needs explanation then I guess to you it doesn't work.

CCfire

CCfire

13 years 12 months ago

I'd rather a reader relate it the way they want too even if it's specific to me which it was. Poems will always mean different things to different people.

P

how clean was
five loaves of bread
the fish and the five thousand

or was that thought of
once a priest found a way to make it so

the line break in the end is confusing me right now...do you mean?

how clean
five loaves of bread
fish and five thousand
ever was
or thought of

once a priest found a way
to make it so

? the ending breaks made it difficult to follow

CCfire

I am so glad Shirley that you got that stanza, obviously the 'bible' was not a book some 'other' commentators read, I would have thought that particular reference to Jesus and the masses were quite clear. I can see that some do not like contemporary free verse here with it's abstract nature. lol I will smile and just put it down to not being able to please all of the people all of the time.

CCfire

not the Sermon on the Mount, it was Jesus meeting with John the Baptist when he asked him to baptise him and walked on water, proceeded to feed the people with the loaves and fishes. His sermon on the mount was suffer little children to come unto me and they will inherit the kingdom of heaven, blessed are the meek..of which I do not think you are one. Lets move on, you don't like my poetry, I suspect I would not like yours and leave it at that Sir.

M

Cc will take a better look and careful read this deserves later but you are so correct on this what you just stated. I agree and hope you are having fun in the states

M

I get this poem and I understand what this writer is writing. I think you do as well. We also know about the basic knowledge of the bible and we today are not to debate the interpretations or the meanings why this writer wrote what she did. The above comment about abortion and toilet I think is a little out of line here. I am not the neopoet police here. I am a writer and a reader and I can feel where you are trying to go with this possibly. If you are upset about this writing then by all means give your critique and go forth. No one is forcing you to continue your disagreement of the write. CC is a great writer and we owe her that respect to accept or not accept your comments. She does state here:

Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.

CC Sorry If I am getting up in your house:) I will be back for my own critique of this poetic write after I finish watching this news. By all means you may also disregard Ms Mona's comments here also I just feel this is going no where fast..sigh.. in my most humble opinion

Blessings
Mona

M

Cc I read this over twice. I did get side tracked on the last line but I think the reference to the priest is our most high priest Jesus Christ. Am I correct? That is what I got and I think you did a good job if I am recieving the message in the write. However you may not agree or agree to re explain or not explain. I get the basic intent of the write and I can feel the strenght of it. You were in deep thought on that airplane flight...sigh..

You were on a plane to come here to the states and the stewardess offered you some Kosher food. Am I right so far? You then thought about the story of John the Baptist and the story of the feeding of the multitudes. The fish, the bread were fed to many..pause.
Here is what I did a little tweak. but by all means you do not have to adhere to my suggests or changes either which was of your write here today. I found a calming sense from it..

Jewish boys have weak jaws
in the likeness of their God
alone on a cross
avoiding sunlight

Enhances pale skin
and i see them
set aside from us
and i don't feel unclean

She feeds me dinner
the leftovers of
what was not kosher
and leave me to wonder

How clean were
five loaves of bread,
the multitude of fish
and the five thousand

Or was that a thought of
once a priest
found a way to
make it so

One last thought perhaps the word Jewish boys may be an offense to some but it is who Jesus was. A Jewish boy birthed Savior. Some may have a difference of opinion but I understand it the thoughts behind the write.
I hope I made some sense of this as it is hard to write with numb fingers. I feel strongly on this one and you may let me know what you think of it if you want. I can be off too here..

Blessings and have a nice vacation
Ms Mona
xoxo

CCfire

Dear Mona, the jewish boys were passengers, I was after several hours a little antagonistic at their attitue to those of us who were not jewish, perhaps you'd call it pushy. One of the steward's was also jewish, she made a point of serving them first and was in my opinion quite rude to the rest of us, now I can live and let live but I won't condone rudeness in a customer based job which is definitely the airlines. The reference at the end is to perhaps show my condemnation of how since Jesus, suddenly the religious zealots have sought to make things unclean, such as those of us who do not follow any strict guidelines..it's a little abstract but makes its point. If I'd tried to put all this into a poem of a singular moment it would have ended up prose and three pages long lol.

M

And I would of certainly displayed my discontent for treatment like that also and now you have explained it and I can see what you mean. I like that prose and the three page long thing LOL You know you can still make a complaint with the airlines. I know I would of. As obvious as she was and probably more then one person noticed it, not just yourself. It happens all the time here

discrimatory ..yikes I don't want to go there now..Today is not the day. My mind is on other things at this moment.. talk soon and thanks for sharing.. I like the poetic pieces that just put it out there yes for all to read regardless if understood or not..sigh...

Blessings
Mona

S

I always think when I write a poem then have to go back and explain it that I haven't done a good job of conveying my intended message.I am a great believer in "less is more" but think in this instance this poem could be lengthened to clarify what was going on. Of course this is just the opinion of a guy who doesn't do a lot of free verse.....................stan

CCfire

In the main most people did a great job of 'getting' it and it was as I told Mona just a singular moment that I feel if I enlarged could have become offensive which is not what I would want to do. So it is what it is but thanks for your thoughts. I think some just say things to get a reaction ;)

M

I agree also

I forgot CC maybe next time FLY FIRST CLASS...just joking honey..

I do not think it would matter first class second or third... got to go bella..:)

V

came by late and missed all the excitement! In my opinion you have a nice, solid little poem here with a rather straight forward story.