In the dying light of your voice,
the sky wings away
silhouettes my bones;
I suck at marrow
of small gods
flesh the north wind, so pure,
inside my mouth:
the sun picks at my eyes,
gently
Apr 30, 2011
Bridging the gap
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Hi Shirley, thank you for
Hi Shirley, thank you for your kind words.
Greetings,
Erwin
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
hello Nevel
great to see you here posting too.
no critique from me... I like this just the way it is.
.
Hi Juls thanks you and good
Hi Juls thanks you and good to see you here also.
Took a few days how this site works, so far I really like the whole concept of workshopping.
Erwin
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
As always your brevity
As always your brevity astounds sometimes.
Thank you Chez ....well, that
Thank you Chez ....well, that's a great compliment. Awesome site this, thanks for inviting me.
Erwin
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
No problems
I am so glad to hear you say that, I think it's a keeper too, won't be going back to the other one anytime soon other than to read.
love the synaesthesic metaphor of the first line!
A real gem of a poem, I humbly apologise for being unable to offer any constructive feedback.
Hi Jess, thank you for your
Hi Jess, thank you for your kind words.
Greetings,
Erwin
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
It works! I write my poems on bricks and throw them at him. [grins]
lol .....the poor doctor...
lol .....the poor doctor...
how lovely this is
how lovely this is
from your wonderful opening line, i was
captivated
there's a delicacy about this write
that is very persuasive
it's introspective, without being
indulgent
it invites the reader to wonder
it's like a moment, stilled in time
completely enjoyed
cheers
p