Haiku : Toothpaste, Senryu: Hiccups

“Haiku : Toothpaste
5/7/5”

Squeezed in the middle
Getting force out of tubing
Awaits your toothbrush

“Senryu: Hiccup
5/7/5”

Hiccup irritates
Ribcage hurting critically
Many times a day

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins

Comments

thanks Ian

i appreciate you suggestion and I have change toothpaste to getting. Does that sound better to you.

thanks Shirl

i appreciate the comment. Hiccup can be a pain at times. Funny, do you agree it's cute how people find our accents exciting. lol

Hi Barbara,

Cute and original! Most mornings I awake with hiccups. It astounds my hubby.

always, cat

Hi Cat

Glad you like them. Thanks for reading and stopping I really appreciate.

We suthernuhs Have no acceint lol. I think you tried to force the Senryu into being a Haiku. Forget counting in it and just write what you want to convey. Liked the hic..cc.c...c...up one.....lol.............stan

thanks

for commenting lol
I went to New York many years ago when I was in my early 20's. I was talking to some girls i was staying with and they stop talking . I ask why I'm the only one talking and they said we like your southern accent. I said I didn't know I had a accent lol. i will check closer to see which it is.
i have check and I think I have them labeled wrong