49reasons
Apr 28, 2011

haiku ~ flow

shaded life listens
beyond dappled waters edge
fluidity speaks

About This Poem

Last Few Words: haiku 5,7,5 syllables

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

for some reason, and I would have difficulty justifying this, or even suggesting it, but
sussurating soft
jumped into my mind as an alternative first line.

But that would blow the listens/speaks dialogue aspect.

I'm glad you made my mind jump. This haiku is truly a success in that it engaged me far beyond its 17 syllables.