"Bringing Darkness" (Prayer of a demon)small edit

My body devoured,
bloodied and battered,
stomach splayed open,
my blood spattered.

My mind broken,
my tongue split,
infectious to all,
everything sick.

A ravenous apatite,
for our evil ways,
I'm looking forward,
to horrible days.

Murdering angels,
I can do much more,
I will grow darker,
more violent than before.

Grant my wish,
dark lord from below,
let me kill gods,
allow me to grow.

Burn an X in my head,
heal my festering wound,
send me to earth,
uncaged from my tomb.

Ending whats good,
using the failings of man,
I will replace it,
bringing dark to the land.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Didn't think editing this would move it back into the stream, sorry guys.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Favorite Poets: I have many favorite poets but I like Poe the most.I would also feel wrong if I didn't include music to this also

Comments

Thanks lou

I know this post is't quite for all, but I knew a few like you that would enjoy it.Thanks for the comment lou:-)

I used some of your suggestions and played with another.I like the festering womb change but I don't see this particular demon as female.I'm still not done playing with this poem, Ive been working on it a while.I'm glad you liked it Rosi, thanks for the help:-)

Very interesting

I didn't look at it that way, thanks Rosi:-)

KZ

KZ,

as usual I enjoyed your dark write. It does need some looking at if you want to bring uniformity to it. This is begging to be song. Just need to create a chorus and tidy up the line lengths and syllable counts. Happy to oblige, but thought you might like the challenge first.

regards,

Thanks HS

I'm not quite happy with the end, but my biggest problem with it is "From fiery skies, I see dark angels fly,
but from the ground, it is time that I buy."I like it but I don't feel like its working.I'm sure I will figure it out with some more thought.Thanks for the comment.

Dear KZ,

Very exciting and enticing work! With this line:

Grant my wish, dark lord from below,

I would have gone with:

Grant me my wish, shadow lord from below.

But that is just eddy styx talking. I liked some of Rosi's ideas, too. I think this piece takes the reader on a rollicking ride through a demons emotions and desires. Another great one from you. Kudos!

always, Cat

Thanks Cat

Glad you enjoyed it, I knew you would;-)

KZ

This is good, I truly like where you are going here.
It just seem that some of the the stanza's you where looking to rthym so much that they sound forced. I love EphC
version. just re-read and see if you can not make it so robotic. the idea is so good, it just needs a little and I mean a little tinkering with.
Please understand it's just my opinion. it's your poem
PS. here an ides take it out of western classic and do it in freeform just let your thoughts flow make it enjanbement.
Please don't be offened by my critic it
s only how I see it someone of more skill than I, will see it different.
thanks for posting this walk through the darkness you see.

Thanks for stopping in ....

I prefer the western classic style, I feel that freeform the way I write it usually lacks heart/emotion.I find rhythm in the rhyme, it becomes a heartbeat to me, bringing the post to life.I am pretty much done with doing any major changes to this.Thanks for stopping in and commenting.