Knowing of her….
A muddy knee that
day I saw, my heart
then was forever
muddled as I steadied
her to feet, was I
to be the keeper
of the mud on knee
or that intrinsic
beings beauty whose
eyes had laid
me bare.
Contentious as my
loving her became
an absence of
consequence thinking
only of moments
to hours to days
to wonderment.
Living on immoralities
edge stealing kiss or
touch of fervour
when desired,
starvation of all
ordinaries, else we
accept being
prised from
grasp or scent.
I’ve lived now within
this extraordinary
beings life along
with her muddied
knees of past,
and survived short
of coin but rich
in her clear
thoughtful love.
Comments
Hi
I get the impression that you are talking about meeting your soul mate, as a child, I may be wrong. I think the whole poem has a lovely romantic feel.
Just a few of bits that spoil the flow a little for me, line 7 stanza 1, could say ' the mud on her face,' and maybe lose the word 'or,' on the next line.
Stanza 2 line 6, it would flow better if you didn't repeat the word 'to,' maybe you could say ' from hours to days'.
I enjoyed the read .
Love Lou.
I have,
I have removed the and from that line, but i feel the knee must stay as it is how it was. And it gives it a feel of youthfulness, as when we were young we all had muddied knees. Thank you for your time and comments.Love Roscoe..
Hi,
I didn't say that you should remove the word knee lol !
lou
Sorry Lou.
Sorry Lou i have got what you mean now, i'll leave it a little while and maybe think about changing.Love Roscoe..