I accept the hollow glow of witching hour
and allow it to hold me tight,
immerse and enthral me.
Cast it’s spell against tormented light.
I feel the night consume me.
exhale a calm and even breath.
Sink into the obscurity of my life.
Staving off grim death.
Devour and suck the marrow,
Pick me clean of my plight.
Body ready for fight or flight.
Comments
Jayne
I have to write what I feel.
Thank you for reading .
Lou
Suggestions
Jayne,
my comment was not in response to your suggestion. It was in response to your comment that i had chosen another dark theme.
love Lou
mmm, very evocative, captures a mood well.
I think that beginning the first two lines of the first two stanzas with "I" detracts a little, a bit me me me, you see? I slight re-arrangement of word order or choice could fix it easily, without taking away from the personal feeling.
Also
mind in repose
breaks the flow, without adding by dramatic impact.
I've got to say, your response to JC was a bit childish, you know perfectly well we only offer suggestions with a desire to help and you can take them or leave them.
Childish?
Thanks for the constructive comments that you made.
My response to Jayne's comment was in reference to her remark that the theme was another dark one, it was not in reference to her suggestion. Not that I should have that to explain that anyone but the person the comment was aimed at.
lou
ah, a mis-understanding, my
ah, a mis-understanding, my apologies, it did sound like you were referring to her suggestion, clearly Jayne thought so too.
Jess
Jess,
thats ok, glad that the confusion has been cleared up.
lou
Shirl
Much thanks as always.
love lou