St one Man

Who's that walking round my pews?
they're with that old grey guy again.
Is it he they seek for good news,
I’ve heard them praying to him in pain.

He was not here throughout our war,
with all that thunderous thud and fear.
Those other buildings rased, what for?
I wish we stone could shed a tear.

I am St Paul for christ sake,
does no one see but marvelled stone.
Summoned by bells each week they'd shake,
away their fears and sins, and drone.

Now they enter with thought or care,
the cause for which i long have stood.
Jumble sales and tea and fare,
and funerals is now all my good.

For greed they kneel and pray to quench,
prayers binned for one and other.
Money eyed mongers pack each bench,
ignoring calls of help, even from a brother.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I would like to thank A mean bee, for helping me edit this poem..

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Scotland, Ayrshire land of Burns.., GBR

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

hi Roscoe

are you not aware most churches have become mere social clubs which people attend for business contacts. Coupla things "
L-1whose might should be who's
L-2 their should be there
Might consider deleting "a" in last line..........................scribbler

Thanks,

Thanks Stan , i made those changes you pointed to, I had two other verses at the start of this piece. But i decided to keep them for something else, now after hearing from all of you i going to give this a bit more work. Regards Roscoe..

I get the drift,

and could be a powerful statement,
but I feel you've lost the grasp of the verse, especially in the last three stanzas, a bit stilted. I'm not sure if I can offer constructive suggestions here, it's just about the "flow". You see what I mean?

Thanks,

Thank you Jess, i as i have stated above will give this a bit more work, good to hear from you Regards Roscoe...

Thanks,

Thank you Ian for your time , and thank you for the poem and information. I have visited Salisbury cathedral, my son was stationed at Larkhill and we visited Wiltshire regularly. Thank you again. Regards Roscoe...

Thank you

Thank you Jayne i have edited my poem, with a great deel of help from Bee. Hope you approve. Love Roscoe..

Thank you,

Thank you i have since edited my poem, hope you still approve. Love Roscoe..

Thank you,

Thank you Bee i have made some changes as you had intimated, i think it's a much better poem now Regards Roscoe...

In this type of poem, in

In this type of poem, in which you're taking on another persona speaking, the poet needs to get out of the persona's way, so to speak...

What WOULD St. Paul have to say? (And not you, Roscoe...)

Let him speak for you as it were.

I think,

I think Bee has helped me achieve what you had wanted, Love Roscoe...

Roscoe, I do like the way you

Roscoe, I do like the way you've personified a building in this poem, I just felt as I read it that the meter might be slightly off in some parts but it could be the way I am reading it too. I think you've done a great job here and I read you had done some editing already. I never feel able to fully critique rhyme as I stink at that type of writing lol