mand

Mar 17, 2011

After Shock ( A trio Haiku )

Earth snaps its fingers
The shock lifts a tidal wave
Cold tragedy looms.

The ocean gorges
Surging torrents of tears,
Feasting in the wash.

The monster withdraws
Discarding shaken remains
Inflicting deep wounds.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

Dear Mand,

I like your title. Your language usage is fine yet I dread the subject matter. I cannot imagine what it must be like, but your haiku string gives me an inkling. Nicely done! I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.

always, Cat

Hi Cat

Good to hear from you, I hope you are o.k. It all seem so surreal, unimaginable. It seems to be one tragedy after another - Like you I can't imagine the horror that they must be going through.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Hi Mand, there's little to

Hi Mand, there's little to say about these, except they are excellent, very stark and moving. The middle Haiku in particular, to me, is extremely good.
Thanks Mand.

Thanks Jim

Such an overwhelmingly sad subject - recovery is going to take along time, they are going to need alot of help.

Thanks Jim, Kind of you to read and comment

Love Mand xxxxx

Mand

wonderful and very moving poetry. You really express the tragic events of the past few days in Japan, well.

much love Lou

Hi Lou

Good to hear from you. It make you realize how frail life is!

Thanks for reading and commenting Lou.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

Hi Shirl

Soo good to see you! Hope you're o,k.

They say that approx 5,000 people have died so far and 9,000 are missing - mind boggling and to top it all the freezing weather and nuclear catastrophy. A nation under extreme duress. So so sad.

Thanks Shirl, nice to have you come by.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Hi Xena

Good to hear from you. Your words are so true. There have been some heart rending storys - only time will tell on the full extent of the damage - maybe years.

Thanks Xena, kind of you to read and comment.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Dearest Mand

much has already been said about this write...your sensitivities are perceptible in this write..i liked the linkage of the three haikus which connect very well ...

much love...

Hi Raj

Thank you for your kind comments. How helpless humans are when it comes to natural disasters - really puts things in perspective.

Love Mand xxxxxx

You have...

captured the reality of the tragedy very well. A sensitive, but strong view of the horror that must be enveloping the land of the rising sun. ~ Gee

Hi Geezer

The T.V footage has been heart rending - Unimaginable suffering,

Thanks Geezer, Good to hear from you.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

An insightful write. You

An insightful write. You must have put a lot of thought into this smooth piece.

Well done, Mand

Diana

Hi Diana

Nice to meet you. Thank you for your kind comments, I guess it has come from watching the news over the last few days - the wave was like watching a monster devouring everthing in it's path. Profoundly sad.

Thank you once again

Love Mand xxxxxx

between heaven and hell

between heaven and hell
the earth rebels
each blade of grass
thunders

Thank you Mand, such incredible devastation once again, reminding us of who's the boss of us. Mother nature and Father time.

Hi Anna

Good to hear from you. I like your poem!

The earth is a beautiful and yet dangerous planet to live on!

Thanks for coming by.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Helloooo mand

everybody is beating me to posting a Haiku about this tragedy. And now you remind me how effective a Haiku series is. This IS a wonderful series about the tsunami and its devastation. If wonderful can be used to describe such an occurrence....................stan

Helloooo Stan my man

Good to hear from you my friend. Thank you for reading and your kind comments! coming from an artist such as yourself I feel complemented! I hope they know we are thinking about them.

Love Mand xxxx

P.s Now get to work on that haiku! lol