Thresholds (a sonnet)

I read your experiment and I re-read this again. I captured the image through the narrow gleam of light through the door. I like that. I also like how you wrap it up in your ending. Now I am no prolific sonnet writer so bare with me on this one:)

This one line threw me off and I tried to still see if it would fit with the door and the rest of your great metaphors but somehow I am stuck. Here is the line:

The gulf between rank ignorance and peace,

I thought of gulf being the Gulf of Mexico and perhaps I need to go online and see if it is like an inlet. You please tell me so I can get that part in my head or out of it:)

oops - one more thing in the first line

From every door found ajar in darkness,

How about this sounding - From every door found ajar in (the) darkness

Is the internal logic consistent? The answer for me is yes when I can decipher about the gulf.

You let me know so I can once again read it with a clearer vision in my head. I gather this is one that is deep in thought and shines forth of unendless possibilities.

Await your final answer:)

Mona

For telling me about the syllable count in the sonnet and I see now just what the picture says here in your write. I so appreciate your added comment and I kind of thought that was what it was that I was a thinking 'bout:)

Came to mind just now. Tear down that wall. And walk through those doors. Great sonnet with a rose petal on it:) lol

Nice job Race.

Blessings

Mona

So many fear the unknown when often exploring the unknown is the path to betterment. Also it's good to know the rules for a sonnet. Are ther also rules concerning rhyme within one? Sonnet or Easter bonnet it was enjoyed, but the title could be improved I think................stan

reading through this lovely poem is an enlightening experience...due to the philosophical message so wonderfully scripted in this sonnet...it is like showing light at the end of the tunnel....marvellous!!

Thank You!!

warmly ..

I've never written a sonnet before, so I'm unsure of the guidelines. What I am sure of, is that I liked what I was reading.The imagery is superb. I most liked:

So search frantically and without ceasing
Until a tiny slice of light's release
Reveals a new doorway that is spanning
The gulf between rank ignorance and peace,

For when we pass through those doors in blindness
futures are unchained, and life made boundless.

very hopeful! How about; "doorways" or "thresholds" for a title?

love, Cat

your rhyme in the heroic couplet squeezes
in by a bee's dick (as we so quaintly say here)
it's really only the 'ess' sound that gives it any
credence as rhyme ...is that being picky?

i know only the bare bones about sonnets, and then,
only shakespearean, as you have written here.
from where i sit, you've nailed the syllable count and rhyme
scheme

the only hic-up for me, is the third line in the second stanza
it could be the way i'm reading it, it could be differing intonations
because of nationality, but i found the meter didn't flow ...the "da dums"
(as someone once said to me) sound a bit abrupt or something
the syllable count is correct of course, but still, i find it jars when
i read it
i've read it to myself, i've read it out loud ...i always seem to stumble
at that point ...to me,that one line throws the stanza out of kilter

as i said though, it could be the way i'm reading it
i am far, far from knowing a great deal about sonnets

apart from that hic-up, kudos to you for nailing
a form that i personally, think is a hard one to nail

as a freeverse writer, i was once challenged to write
a sonnet by a friend who writes almost exclusively
in form

by the time i'd finished it, i was ready to petition websters
to remove "iambic pentameter' from their dictionary,
and was sorely tempted to pull my own entrails out

cheers
p

your changes to that line have made
a definite improvement ...i find the abruptness
has gone, and it reads smoother

don't really have any other crit to offer ...nothing
i can see that i think needs changing

cheers
p