My cell phone battery is low;
It's almost dying.
Every minute counts.
Wise decisions must be made:
Who to call?
What to do?
All is critical.
With seconds ticking away,
I decide to read Neopoet.
My cell phone battery is low;
It's almost dying.
Every minute counts.
Wise decisions must be made:
Who to call?
What to do?
All is critical.
With seconds ticking away,
I decide to read Neopoet.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "On Critical Moments" effectively uses the metaphor of a dying cell phone battery to convey a sense of urgency and the need for decision-making. However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of this metaphor.
For instance, the lines "Who to call? / What to do?" are a bit too straightforward and could be replaced with more imaginative or unexpected choices that the speaker must make. This could add depth to the poem and make the metaphor more engaging.
The last line, "I decide to read Neopoet," seems to be an attempt at humor or irony, but it's not entirely clear how this fits into the overall theme of the poem. If the intention is to convey that the speaker is using their last moments of battery life to engage in something trivial or unexpected, this could be made clearer through additional context or explanation.
In terms of structure, the poem maintains a consistent, simple form, which works well with the straightforward language. However, the use of more varied line lengths or rhythmic patterns could enhance the sense of urgency that the poem is trying to convey.
Overall, the poem has a strong central metaphor and theme, but could benefit from more detailed and imaginative exploration of this metaphor, as well as clearer context for the final line.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
On Critical Moments
Hello, Rula,
The anxiety here is real! And the twist in the ending makes a fun read. I enjoyed this!
Thank you!
L
dearest Lavender
Thank you for reading and commenting. I wasn't sure that twist at the end works.
Thank you dear.