Rula

Jun 06, 2024

This poem is part of the workshop:

How to use imagery in poetry..

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Description: Encourage use of imagery by discussion and exercises. Leader: Scribbler Moderator(s): Geezer, Paul, Mark Objectives: Getting accustomed to using imagery. Level of expertise: Open to all Subject matter: imagery

Imagery in poetry

imagery definition:The art of making images, figurative language, the product of imagination. (this comes from Webster's 9th collegiate dictionary.)

Opening statement...Why use imagery?One reason is to add beauty to a poem, Another is to draw a reader into your poem.
Here is an example of a good use of imagery by Robert Frost.

Good Hours
I had for my winter evening walk
no one at all with whom to talk,
but I had the cottages in a row
up to their shining eyes in snow

And I thought I had the folk within
I had the sound of a violin.
I had a glimpse through curtain laces
of youthful forms and youthful faces.

I had such company outward bound
I went until there were no cottages found
I turned and repenting,but coming back
I saw no window but was black.

Over the snow my creaking feet
disturbed the slumbering village street
like profanation by your leave
at ten o'clock of a winter eve.

Now we'll discuss how this drew the readers in
It's the imagery which did that. Don't believe it?
then reread it leaving out all descriptive words.

open to questions and comments. We will now also talk about the many types of imagery

onward to exercises
#1 each person try to write a poem with little or no imagery
post your poem on stream(don't forget to hit the workshop button)
also try to keep it under 16 lines

2. Everybody read all these imagery poor poems and post your thoughts comment section below each poem

3.Check the membership list.
go to the person listed below your name.
Now rewrite his/her poem using rich imagery
Be sure to acknowledge the original writer
post your rewrite on stream.
DO NOT RUSH!!!

4. We will now discuss each rewritten poem comparing it to original write
*discussions will be ongoing throughout the shop on stream.

5. Now write a poem using what you have learned here.

6. read all these final poems and comment hen vote on your favorite DO NOT VOTE FOR MY POEM

Subject to change

This workshop is closed.

This poem is part of the contest:

06/24 Living With Depression 🏆 Winner

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A Way Out (final re-write)

As night pulls down its wild dark curtains
And heavy eyelids drop lazily,
I ponder with spider-like loomed shadows,
Thoughts torture my broken, weary soul.

Everything around my room plays tricks;
Shadows with shattered hearts wander,
Carrying bloody, slaughtered dreams,
All howl, moan in pain, "that's insane, that's insane."

I seek a way out, is there no escape?
The door's locked with heavy chains.
Windows, it seems, are all covered with tar,
Behind the sill, bars add weight.

Then more spirits seep in, multiplying,
From nowhere, to heighten the scene.
I try to cry, but my own voice chokes me,
Then a louder voice declares, "There is no way out."

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses vivid and intense imagery to convey a sense of despair and entrapment. The use of metaphors, such as "night pulls down its wild dark curtains" and "shadows with shattered hearts wander," adds depth to the poem and helps to create a haunting atmosphere.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of meter and rhyme. The inconsistent rhythm and rhyme scheme can make the poem feel disjointed and can distract from the overall message.

Additionally, the poem's theme of despair and entrapment is quite clear, but it might be interesting to explore this theme in a more nuanced way. For example, the poem could delve deeper into the speaker's emotions and thoughts, or it could introduce some element of hope or resistance to contrast with the despair.

The line "Then a louder voice declares, 'There is no way out.'" is a powerful ending, but it might be even more impactful if the poem built up to this moment more gradually. As it stands, the ending feels a bit abrupt.

Lastly, the line "All howl, moan in pain, 'that's insane, that's insane.'" is a bit unclear. It's not clear who is saying "that's insane," or why they are saying it. Clarifying this could help to strengthen the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Great

final revision. This highlights the use of imagery in poetry

Rula

I choose not to critique this, but will say that often it seems to me that there is no escape from pain and suffering, only for brief fleeting moments. Only long enough for us to catch our second wind.

Thank you gentlemen

Your visit and comments add to my pleasure.

Hi dear Rula

I think you did a good job with the images, some of them were very powerful. Must say, the ending caugh me by surprise.

Hello dear Tyro

Sorry for the late reply.
I am happy you found an improvement in the imagery, and that you've been caught surprised by the closing lines, does this mean that you like it , or were you expecting a quiet different one?
Anyways, I appreciate your visit as always.

Hello dear Rula

I do like the ending, and yes, I expected that there would be an escape at the end.

Tyro