Geezer

May 26, 2024

This poem is part of the workshop:

How to use imagery in poetry..

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Description: Encourage use of imagery by discussion and exercises. Leader: Scribbler Moderator(s): Geezer, Paul, Mark Objectives: Getting accustomed to using imagery. Level of expertise: Open to all Subject matter: imagery

Imagery in poetry

imagery definition:The art of making images, figurative language, the product of imagination. (this comes from Webster's 9th collegiate dictionary.)

Opening statement...Why use imagery?One reason is to add beauty to a poem, Another is to draw a reader into your poem.
Here is an example of a good use of imagery by Robert Frost.

Good Hours
I had for my winter evening walk
no one at all with whom to talk,
but I had the cottages in a row
up to their shining eyes in snow

And I thought I had the folk within
I had the sound of a violin.
I had a glimpse through curtain laces
of youthful forms and youthful faces.

I had such company outward bound
I went until there were no cottages found
I turned and repenting,but coming back
I saw no window but was black.

Over the snow my creaking feet
disturbed the slumbering village street
like profanation by your leave
at ten o'clock of a winter eve.

Now we'll discuss how this drew the readers in
It's the imagery which did that. Don't believe it?
then reread it leaving out all descriptive words.

open to questions and comments. We will now also talk about the many types of imagery

onward to exercises
#1 each person try to write a poem with little or no imagery
post your poem on stream(don't forget to hit the workshop button)
also try to keep it under 16 lines

2. Everybody read all these imagery poor poems and post your thoughts comment section below each poem

3.Check the membership list.
go to the person listed below your name.
Now rewrite his/her poem using rich imagery
Be sure to acknowledge the original writer
post your rewrite on stream.
DO NOT RUSH!!!

4. We will now discuss each rewritten poem comparing it to original write
*discussions will be ongoing throughout the shop on stream.

5. Now write a poem using what you have learned here.

6. read all these final poems and comment hen vote on your favorite DO NOT VOTE FOR MY POEM

Subject to change

This workshop is closed.

Rewrite - "Shapes"...

Shapes...

Punching away shadows, dark, floppy shapes.
Back where they came from, the dirty street.
Lights smothering the black, inky abyss, the pockets.

Above the silken, ebon blanket,
a silver, sinister grin from the ghostly moon,
changing shape, from horns to mirrored glow.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Shapes" demonstrates a strong use of imagery and metaphor, creating a vivid picture in the reader's mind. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from more clarity and consistency in its metaphors.

1. The first line, "Punching away shadows, dark, floppy shapes," could be clarified. The use of the word "floppy" to describe shadows or shapes is unusual and might confuse readers. It could be more effective to use a term that better fits with the theme of shadows and darkness.

2. The phrase "the dirty street" in the second line seems disconnected from the rest of the imagery in the poem. If the street is a significant element, it may be beneficial to expand on this concept and weave it more thoroughly into the poem.

3. The third line, "Lights smothering the black, inky abyss, the pockets," is a strong image, but the use of the word "pockets" is unclear. If "pockets" refers to pockets of darkness, it might be more effective to clarify this.

4. The transition from the first stanza to the second could be smoother. The first stanza seems to focus on a street-level view, while the second abruptly shifts to a skyward view. A transition line or phrase could help bridge these two perspectives.

5. In the second stanza, the phrase "a silver, sinister grin from the ghostly moon" is a compelling image. However, the term "sinister" seems at odds with the rest of the poem's tone. If the moon's appearance is meant to be menacing, it would be beneficial to establish this tone earlier in the poem.

6. The last line, "changing shape, from horns to mirrored glow," is a strong ending. However, the term "mirrored glow" could be clarified. If it refers to the moon's reflection on a body of water or other surface, it would be beneficial to establish this image earlier in the poem.

Overall, the poem shows promise with its vivid imagery and metaphors. With some refinement and clarification, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello sir Gee

I thought you needn't add much to this piece as it has a fair amount of imagery, especially sight ones. Maybe other types like smell or taste, do you think that those have any chance here to be added

I have to agree...

However, I feel that the use of different or more descriptive words
does not make this more of a piece by the author.
It makes it another person's.
I can make it as much mine as I want, but never more his.
He wrote this with a specific mood in mind, if I deliberately change it,
it's now, mine.

Sucking away the shadows, sweet shapes of dark
Inhaled in smoke-rings, from musty tasting streets
Amber-light of honey, delectable odor in my pocket

Purple robe of night, adorned with the moon
A silver mirror, floats among the stars
changing shape to wicked horn

~ Geezer.
.

Gee

you might be missing the purpose of this next to last exercise. This is meant to get the original author to realize there are improvements in a poem which can be made by using imagery. The Final exercise will allow the author to enhance his/her poem by using whatever imagery he/she wants