Mum... You and I

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses repetition and rhythm to create a sense of unity between the speaker and their mother. The repeated phrase "You and I" underscores the deep bond between them and the shared experiences they've had.

However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery. The phrases "we went through ups, we went through downs" and "together we laughed, together we cried" are quite general. Incorporating more specific examples or anecdotes could make the emotions more tangible for the reader.

The poem also introduces the theme of Alzheimer's in the last stanza, which is a powerful twist. However, the phrase "Alzheimer's stole my bank of love" might be clarified. If the speaker is saying that Alzheimer's has caused them to forget their love for their mother, this could be more explicitly stated. Alternatively, if the speaker is saying that their mother's Alzheimer's has caused her to forget their shared history, this could also be made clearer.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more consistent punctuation. There are a few instances where commas are used where periods or semicolons might be more appropriate, such as "We both raised families, we're still bold" and "I uplifted your spirits, you got my tears wiped". These could be rewritten as "We both raised families; we're still bold" and "I uplifted your spirits; you got my tears wiped" to better separate the two independent clauses in each sentence.

Overall, this poem has a strong emotional core and effectively uses repetition to underscore its themes. With more specific imagery and clearer punctuation, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Such a heartfelt and melancholy poem for a horrible disease. Writing of our pain and loss can provide some comfort that we all seek. Thank you for sharing this Rula.

Best

the ravages of Alzheimer's firsthand, I can sympathize with you. The deterioration of the mind and memory is a devastating thing. You have written a truly heartbreaking story. Your devotion to your mother and the sensitivity that you show, is readily apparent. Good job, ~ Geez.
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Written in dedication to your wonderful mother. I enjoyed reading it very much even though there were some unsteady shifts in tempo and meter in some places. The last stanza of you poem also (in my humble opinion) had some awkward meter issues and word choice issues, although it did have a very nice summation punch to the piece as it reveals the Alzheimer’s condition of your mother along with all of the pain you both have experienced which is associated with this horrible disease. Thank you again for this lovely heart felt post.

Hello, Rula,
I agree - a beautiful poem. It both breaks and warms my heart. Congratulations on the contest win. Thank you for sharing such a personal, loving poem.
Lxx

A well deserved poetry winner. Congratulations. :-)

Yay! Congrats Rula - well deserved!

on your newest win. ~ Geez.
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