If your god got it right
For once in her life
I wouldn’t need words
To convince you tonight
I wouldn’t need hands
To trace supple curve
I’d bend and then blend
Every sinew and nerve
My mind would be yours
My will would be known
Marrow would melt
And bleed out of bone
Our sky would be scarlet
Our ground would be gray
The wolves in our night
Would be held at bay
Love would be legion
Wars would be won
The poison you drank
Would now be undone
If your god could see us
As we are today
She’d be the one
Kneeling to pray
Dec 07, 2022
This poem is part of the contest:
Neopoem Of The Week December 4th to December 10th 2022
Legion
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
I love Carlin
haha. Thank you sir, you are kind and a fan after my own heart. A poet was he for sure. Thank you for reading.
hello and welcome
I love your poem and can relate to it! my favorite lines are:
If your god could see us
As we are today
She’d be the one
Kneeling to pray
a well written piece if I ever saw one! smoothly done and a pleasure to read!
*hugs, Cat
*
Punch
Thank you so much. That end is a pretty decent punch to sign off with huh? That one flowed out of me quick. Less than an hour and I was done and have had it memorized ever since. Very rare for my process so it's a special one to me.
Welcome to neopoet!
An exhibition of creative beauty. I enjoyed reading all the entire lines. In word choice, extraordinarily charming, in insight, impossibly mind-blowing.
A wonderful expression has appeared in the poet's pen.
A wonderfully thoughtful and charming pace. Depth of sound and form boomed through writing.
A unique presentation of great feelings.
.
Humbled
Very high praise. I truly appreciate it. Thank you for reading.
Welcome
That’s a fairly excellent poem you’ve got there.
“Love would be legion
Wars would be won
The poison you drank
Would now be undone
If your god could see us
As we are today
She’d be the one
Kneeling to pray”
Excellent! It’s speaks plainly! Sometimes the words are so pretty and fancy they take up some of the limelight, but not here. They’re very accessible to readers of all levels and the meaning behind them is allowed to be the star of the show.
Great job and welcome
Tim
Well said
That's endlessly flattering of you to say. I thought the same about the word choice too. It was accidental so the notion was after the fact, but hey. Count it. :)
I must have been sick...
or something, to have missed out on leaving a comment on this one. [I am going to claim this every time I miss out, so, get used to it]. I'm sure that I can do no better than the poets here, and their comments; will suffice for now. ~ Geezer.
.