It's May
Marigolds pop up
to swing and sway and
hopefully
stay.
Then,
they may,
oh how I wish,
that they'd pop up
again,
Mayhap
next May?
It's May
Marigolds pop up
to swing and sway and
hopefully
stay.
Then,
they may,
oh how I wish,
that they'd pop up
again,
Mayhap
next May?
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem demonstrates a clear understanding of rhythm and repetition. The repetition of "May" and "may" creates a pleasing echo effect that ties the poem together. However, the use of "Mayhap" seems to disrupt the rhythm and might be replaced with a more fitting word or phrase.
The poem could benefit from more vivid imagery. While "Marigolds pop up" gives a basic image, the poem could delve deeper into the sensory experience of May and marigolds. For example, describing the color, scent, or texture of the marigolds could enhance the reader's experience.
The line "hopefully / stay" is a bit ambiguous. If the intention is to express a wish for the marigolds to remain in bloom, this could be made clearer.
The phrase "oh how I wish" seems to introduce a new tone into the poem. If this is intentional, it could be developed further to create a stronger emotional impact. If not, consider revising this line to maintain the poem's consistent tone.
Finally, the poem could benefit from a stronger conclusion. The question "next May?" leaves the reader hanging. A more definitive ending could provide a satisfying resolution.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Hi Rula...
I'm thinking that you could do without the "until fall".
I follow the rest of the thoughts about may, mayhap and May; a clever wordplay on the word may. ~ Geez.
.
Thank you sir
for reading and the suggestion.
I found it quite reasonable and hence implemented as suggested.
Much appreciated.
Hi dear Rula
A light spring poem. I do love those marigolds. Hope all is well with you, dear friend.
Tyro
Dear Tyro
Thank you for reading and wishes.
All is well. Thank you as always for your kindness.
It's May
Hello, Rula!
What a fun, cheery poem! It makes me smile!
I especially love the way the word "mayhap" blends itself into the poem. Very clever! (May is my favorite month - I'm sad to see it go...)
Thank you!
Lx
Dear sweet friend
Me too. I'm not a big fan of summer as it comes in package with mosquito bites and all.
Thank you so much for your kind visit.
Really appreciate it and hope you're doing well.