Here comes another day
I hope things will be ok
The rains have come, and things are green,
I look for things that are never seen!
I feel despair when others are sad,
I feel the anguish when people are mad.
I feel the shame when someone's bad,
I feel the joy when someone's glad
My heart it aches when it feels sorrow
Sometimes I wish there was no tomorrow.
For today is here, what should I feel
Yesterday just went and it didn't feel real.
Last night was strange, I was a little lost
But I wasn't letting go, at any cost
I just kept writing, it eased my heart.
I kept it together, didn't fall apart
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Another Day" effectively utilizes a simple rhyme scheme (ABAB) to maintain a rhythmic flow. This structure is consistent throughout the poem, which aids in readability and comprehension. However, the poem could benefit from the use of more vivid and unique language to evoke stronger emotions in the reader. For example, instead of saying "I hope things will be ok," consider using more descriptive language to convey the same sentiment, such as "I yearn for the calm after the storm."
The poem also explores a range of emotions, from despair and anguish to joy and sorrow. This breadth of emotional exploration is commendable, but the poem could benefit from a deeper exploration of these emotions. Instead of simply stating the emotions, the poet could use metaphors, similes, or other literary devices to describe these feelings in a more nuanced and detailed way.
The last two stanzas introduce a narrative element, which adds depth to the poem. However, the transition from the general emotional exploration to the personal narrative could be smoother. Consider using a bridge stanza to transition from the general to the specific.
The poem also uses repetition effectively, particularly in the second stanza ("I feel..."). This repetition emphasizes the emotional depth of the speaker and adds a rhythmic quality to the poem. However, the poem could benefit from varying the sentence structure to avoid monotony.
Overall, the poem has a solid foundation but could benefit from more descriptive language, deeper emotional exploration, a smoother narrative transition, and varied sentence structure.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Hello Carrie
An enjoyable read with raw feelings. A typical poet heart is detected in each word.
I see you are not actively editing so I thought may be you're not open for suggestions.
Anyway I have already enjoyed the reading
Keep them coming and thanks for sharing.
Hi Rula
Thank you very much, glad you enjoyed it. :)
Hi Carrie...
Something that sticks out to me; is that when people use the method of starting each line with a particular phrase
or set of words, they tend to forget about the words that come after. How to arrange them and what to use.
For me, when I read a rhyming poem, a lot of it is about rhythm. If you follow the narrative of the poem and the mood,
you will see that the rhythm of the poem can be fitted with a little longer or shorter line, for emphasis or muted effect.
However, one should not vary the line by more than one or two syllables, because it shows as a hiccup.
If you want more of this honest abuse, I will be happy to oblige, because I see that you get it,
and I think that you have what it takes to take constructive criticism. ~ Geez.
.
Hi Geezer
Cheers mate. :)