Fifteen years in Muller Town...
What day or night are you available?
You deserve me, I'm yours.
"Has anyone ever escaped?
These eternal chains, forged by weird-wired brains.
My emotions have been raped".
He can tell you, no matter what, he didn't do it,
Deny responsibility, never copping to a plea.
"You can't prove any of that shit".
"So, don't you want to see me? I would think you should.
I'm the best thing that's ever happened here.
I'm almost everything, and damn, I'm good!"
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Muellertown" presents an interesting narrative with a clear voice. However, it could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter to enhance its readability and flow.
The use of dialogue in the poem is effective in creating a dynamic between characters and providing insight into their personalities. However, the transition from the narrator's voice to the character's voice can be abrupt, potentially causing confusion for the reader. Consider using punctuation or formatting to clearly distinguish between the two.
The phrase "weird-wired brains" is a creative use of alliteration, but it may benefit from further clarification or context to help the reader understand its meaning within the poem.
The line "You deserve me, I'm yours" seems to be disconnected from the rest of the poem. If it is intended to be a part of the dialogue, consider making this clearer. If it is a statement from the narrator, consider providing more context to clarify its relevance to the overall narrative.
The poem's ending is strong, with the character's self-assured statement providing a powerful conclusion. However, the phrase "I'm almost everything, and damn, I'm good!" could be rephrased to maintain the poem's overall tone and style.
In terms of imagery, the poem could benefit from more descriptive language to create a vivid picture of "Muellertown" and its inhabitants. This could help to further engage the reader and enhance the poem's impact.
Overall, the poem has a compelling narrative and voice, but could benefit from more consistent rhythm, clearer transitions between voices, and more vivid imagery.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
All of this!!!
Thank you for this write!! No truer words have been written. This may have given me an idea...
Yeah...
I thought you would like this one. I wrote this in about a half-hour. It just rolled out from under the funk I was in. LoL.
I would think that people would understand the "eternal chains, forged by weird-wired brains". Those are the people who just never give up, you will always be in their lives, and them in yours. Maybe we could do a co-write on the subject, down the road. I know things are hectic now. ~ Geez.
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I like the idea
And understand about those eternal chains...