EmanuelSfatcu
Apr 28, 2024
This poem is part of the contest:

Poetry Month 2024 Imagine

(Read More...)

Inside

I never understood what it means to be free.
Don't get me wrong, I do desire this,
But I am afraid that I can't comprehend the meaning of it.
Think about it...
I feel in my heart the need for freedom.
I feel in my soul a vibration that doesn't want to be obstructed.
I feel in my mind that I deserve it.
But I don't know how to embody it
Because this actual word is a prison.
What do I do with my freedom? With my free time?
I play some games that I used to like as a child
For the sake of feeling excited again.
I write from time to time.
I watch Netflix and eat and sleep and make love
But then I end up on the ground,
Feeling empty.
I try to do better, and I do
For a couple of days.
I watch some philosophical content
And I am ready to do the work again
Until I am not
And I start to play some games, watch Netflix, and love again
Some people have it worse:
Some drink and smoke,
Some steal and kill.
Some go nuts and hurt themselves.
But here I am
In a normal life,
A good, happy life, on paper
But it is bleeding
And I'm sick of being stuck.
Worst part? I am aware of everything.
I make every wrong decision knowing it's the wrong one.
But I still do it because I am a fool,
A fool who likes life as it is
Easy, comfortable, miserable inside.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It is my first poem in english

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Romania, Iași

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Your poem "Inside" delves deep into the internal struggle of desiring freedom while feeling trapped within the confines of one's own mind. The repetition of activities like playing games, watching Netflix, and seeking excitement juxtaposed with feelings of emptiness effectively conveys a sense of longing for something more meaningful. The contrast between outward appearances of a good life and the internal turmoil adds layers to the narrative.

One suggestion for improvement would be to explore more vivid imagery or metaphors to enhance the emotional impact of the poem. This could help to engage the reader on a deeper level and create a more immersive experience. Additionally, consider varying the rhythm or structure of the poem to add dynamism and keep the reader's interest throughout.

Overall, your poem successfully captures the complex emotions surrounding the quest for true freedom and fulfillment. Keep refining your use of language and poetic devices to further amplify the themes and evoke a stronger response from your audience.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

T

tyro

12 months ago

Judging from this expert handling of a relatable subject I think you do very good with 'your' free time. I like your poem, and the way it seems to flow easily from you. Your voice reflects perfectly with the speaker behind the words. And I must admit, I saw myself mirrored here and there.

I am impressed by the world you create, but I would come to a different conclusion.

Leslie

THE WORD FREE IN AND OF ITS SELF IS A PARADOX. FOR EXAMPLE FOR A KITE TO FLY ITS HIGHEST IT MUST BE HELD UP BY SOMEONE ELSE. WE'RE NEVER FREE IN THE TRUEST SENSE. AT LEAST NOT WITH OUR CURRENT
DEFINNITION OF FREEDOM, NOT WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES. THERE MUST BE OPPOSITION AND CONTRAST IN ALL THINGS. I DID ENJOY YOUR POEM. IT CAUSED ME TO THINK?

zuella

Hi Emmanuel!
I see this is your first poem on the site, but obviously you’re a poet in your own time, you should definitely post more here. This was somethign that intended to smack me in the face and watch me fall down, and that’s exactly what it did. I agree with absolutely everything you’ve said, I live in a free world, but what does that entail. In my personal opinion, it’s the fact that I’m able to have these thoughts and do nothing about my freedom that shows how free we really are and how we’ve all begun to take it for granted because we have never known anything but freedom. I think the length of your poem was perfect to get your readers all worked up, I like how it was all squished together to create the sense of urgency that your words are also showing me. I like the simple title. This is really great, everyone who’s already been commenting can tell you that too haha! Keep it up!

-zuella

E

I'm genuinely surprised by the overwhelmingly positive feedback. It's heartwarming to know that my words have resonated with you. English isn't my native language, so your encouragement motivates me to continue writing poetry. By the way, your quote really struck a chord with me! :D

Alex Tanner

I enjoyed this work, it made me think of Bob Dylan and the final lines from "Ballad in Plain D".

Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me
"How good, how good does it feel to be free "?
And I answer them most mysteriously
"Are birds free from the chains of the skyway"?
Alex

M

This poem is so real and incredibly well written. Your voice really shines through! You communicate so openly and honestly it's wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your work :)
-MM