Leslie
Leslie
Apr 15, 2024

The light inside

Are your motives as pure
as you'd like them to be?
Do you think about things
that ought not to be?
When the morning returns
were you able to sleep?
Is your heart heavy laden
with the dreams that you keep?
Does your conversation lag
does it put you to sleep?
When you can't find the words
that are worthy to repeat.
Did your mantra empower you
or induce your retreat?
Did you discover a way
to release your negativity?
Did you fight your way out
are you back on the street?
Is the window to your soul
as gray as can be?
Then open that window
in there if you can.
Let the light inside reveal
the truth of the man!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I just wanted to write something to chase some of the darkness away!

Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson

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Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "The light inside," presents a series of introspective questions, inviting the reader to engage in self-examination. The use of rhetorical questions throughout the poem effectively encourages reflection and introspection, a technique that can be quite engaging for the reader.

However, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of rhythm and meter. The lines vary greatly in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Consider revising to create a more consistent rhythm, which can enhance the overall reading experience.

The poem's theme of self-discovery and personal growth is clear, yet the imagery used to convey this theme could be more vivid and original. For example, "Is the window to your soul as gray as can be?" uses a fairly common metaphor. Consider exploring more unique or unexpected imagery to make your poem stand out.

The final lines of the poem shift from questioning to instructing, "Then open that window in there if you can. Let the light inside reveal the truth of the man!" This shift is effective in providing a resolution to the poem and offers a hopeful message to the reader. However, the phrase "the truth of the man" is somewhat vague. It might be more impactful to specify what this "truth" is or what it might look like.

In terms of language, the poem uses simple, straightforward language, which makes it accessible to a wide range of readers. However, the poem could benefit from the use of more poetic devices such as alliteration, assonance, or consonance to add richness and depth to the language.

In conclusion, the poem effectively engages the reader with its introspective theme and its shift from questioning to instructing. However, it could benefit from more consistent rhythm, more vivid and original imagery, more specific language, and the use of more poetic devices.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Hello, Leslie,
I really like the choice of questions we ask ourselves here. All of them can be answered and nurtured by turning to our light inside. Wise considerations. Very nice!
Thank you!
L

Leslie

Thank you for your kind comments. Right now my days are gray and I couldn't come up with something that I really wanted
towrite about. Thanks for continuing to read my stuff.

Leslie

It did, I'm a rapid cycler!