Trying to think what to say
only this ringing in my ears.
Not sure I understand today —
certainly can’t see future years.
What I say may not be
exactly what you hear
if filtered through your history,
past heartbreak, joy or fear.
The past is a kaleidoscope
as memories dim and drift,
perspectives and priorities
diversify and shift.
Last Few Words: The first two lines just came to me and I really liked them. I tried to build a poem around them, but it seems kind of flat and pointless. Might need another verse or two, or re-arrange the ones I have.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Musings" presents an exploration of communication and perception, using the metaphor of a conversation distorted by personal filters such as pessimism, past heartbreak, or fear. The theme is well-developed and the use of slant rhymes adds a pleasing rhythm to the piece.
However, the poem's structure could benefit from some consistency. The first two stanzas follow a pattern of a four-line stanza, with the second and fourth lines indented. The third stanza deviates from this pattern, which can disrupt the reader's flow. Consistency in structure can enhance the overall impact of the poem.
The poem could also benefit from more concrete imagery. While the abstract concepts of miscommunication and shifting perspectives are interesting, the use of tangible images could help the reader connect more deeply with the poem's themes. For example, instead of "only this ringing in my ears," consider using a specific sound that could symbolize the confusion or miscommunication the speaker is experiencing.
Lastly, the phrase "The past itself can deviate" seems to suggest that the past can change. While it's true that our perceptions of the past can change, the past itself remains constant. This could potentially confuse readers. Consider revising this line to more clearly convey that it's our memories or perceptions of the past that can deviate, not the past itself.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Musings
Hello, katydid, and welcome!
A sharp, strong title, and 3 intriguing verses of poetry after. I understand the reflective sense of the title and, if I am interpreting the other stanzas correctly, the concern and possibility of miscommunication. I am going to return after your reply and other responses.
Thank you!
Lavender
Thank you.
Thank you.
Dear Katydid,
I have read this poem through several times and I keep getting slapped in the face by this line:
if filtered through your pessimism, the word (pessimism) how about changing the line to something like this. for example:
(If filtered through your own devices) unless you mean to be insulting to whomever you are talking to.
It is very nice to meet you! welcome to Neopoet!
*hugs, Cat
musings
Hmmm. I never thought of recognizing someone's pessimism as being insulting. I will try to think of a different word to reflect that someone's past experiences may have made them interpret my words differently than I intended.
Thank you for your comments. I am looking forward to being a Neopoet!
And having slept on the idea, I realize that a person's optimism could be just as much of a "'filter" as pessimism. I may need to rework that verse.
hello katydid,
maybe it is only me, in which case leave it alone. it is a good poem as is.
*hugs, Cat
Thank you.
Thank you.