Jokerface82
Jokerface82
Mar 13, 2024
This poem is part of the contest:

Early Spring Image Contest

(Read More...)

SPRING

The winters prison has opened
its cage

to let out of the gate a new
longer
Golden day. The world changed
to
Colours. Burgundy cherrys, sun
yellows,
panther blush pinks, and deep
purples.
Psychedelic, rows of specks
Splashed
soldiers and a

Fusion explosion of colours.
Emerald summer
green
Carpets of buzz cut grass and
cloud
birds

early-morning messages.
The musician sirens
Of musical hedgerows and
evergreen trees

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Uk, GBR

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "SPRING" presents a vivid and vibrant depiction of the transition from winter to spring, using a rich palette of colors and imagery. However, there are areas where clarity and consistency could be improved.

1. The poem opens with the metaphor of winter as a prison, which is a strong image. However, the phrase "open its cage" seems grammatically incorrect. It might be more accurate to say "opens its cage" or "has opened its cage."

2. The use of color in the poem is striking, but the phrase "panther blush pinks" is somewhat confusing. Panthers are typically associated with black or dark colors, so it's unclear how this image relates to pink. It might be worth reconsidering this metaphor for clarity.

3. The phrase "cloud birds" is also somewhat unclear. If this is meant to be a metaphor, it could be more explicitly connected to the idea it's representing. If it's meant to be taken literally, as birds in the sky, it might be more effective to separate the two words for clarity.

4. The poem's structure could benefit from more consistency. The line lengths vary significantly, which can disrupt the rhythm of the poem. Consider revising the poem with a more consistent structure to improve its flow.

5. The final line, "Of musical hedgerows and evergreen trees," introduces a new idea but doesn't fully develop it. If these elements are important to the poem's overall message, they could be expanded upon in earlier lines.

6. The use of punctuation is inconsistent. Some lines end with periods, while others do not, and there are places where commas might be needed for clarity. Reviewing the poem for consistent punctuation could improve its readability.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

panther pinks supposed to give the color of the Pink Panther? ~ Geez.
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Geezer

I meant to compliment you on your use of vivid color! I can picture most of the plants you describe and their settings. I like to putter around in a garden if I get the chance. Thanks for the great visuals, ~ Geez.
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