He wrote his best blues song in the rain
as the tremblin' rumblin' thunder
ripped his beatin' heart, made it sunder
like a crack in the earth
his last dime with no worth
like a broke pitied fool
drownin' in a deep pool
of an achin'
mistaken
love that's gone cruel
and that man ain't gonna try no more
he's been beaten
by her cheatin'
wretched and poor
and cut to the core.
He sang his best blues in the rain.
Comments
You sound...
as though you knew and watched this gentleman. I don't think that you need the word [song] in that last line. He sang his best blues in the rain, makes it perfectly clear that it is a song, with the use of [sang]. The use in the first line is ... Nice bluesy feelings with the use of authentic accent. I love the Blues, with guitar and sax especially. Nice stuff!
~ Geez.
.
Hello, Geezer,
I guess I was in a "bluesy mood" when I wrote this. I really like your suggestion, and will gratefully use it! Thank you for reading! I appreciate your help!
L
Lavender
All I want to know is who it is you are writing about. Great poem, please entreat me with the info.
Hello, Leslie,
No one in particular, but maybe a little bit in most of us to some degree. It was an interesting experiment to try to find that soulful. mournful place where the blues live and breathe. I may come back to this one occasionally and dilly around with it. Thank you for reading!
L
Good stuff
I can feel his pain and almost hear his music. Love can certainly make or break even the strongest of people. Well done.
Hello, Carrie,
I think I heard the feeling and mood in his music before I understood his words. Thank you for reading!
L
Hello L
Nothing quite like the blues. 'Nuff said. Alex
Hello, Alex,
I agree, there is not! Thank you for reading!
L
Dear Lady Lavender,
you hit right down to the soul, the ache is deep! I love this piece, yes I do!
*ever, eddy styx & Cat
Hello, Cat and Eddy,
This is a pretty cool experiment... there is a very soulful place where the blues are just slowly stirring, waiting. I have a feeling I've barely touched on it! :)
Thank you for reading!
Lx
I would LOVE
to read anyone else's blues renditions! (Especially you, Geezer! I bet you already have before!)
Something very unique and fulfilling about it. My best regards to all!
Lx
Bitter sweetness
Expressed at its best. Powerful and inspirational.
Well-use of the elements of nature. Tender as rain and powerful just like thunder.
Thumps up to good writing dear friend
Hello, Rula,
This turned out to be an experiment... a bit different when writing other poetry because I actually could hear and feel the bluesy music before finding the words. I think there could be even more depth to this. It just doesn't feel quite complete.
Thank you for reading, Dear Rula!
Lx
Lavender
I wes looking the wrong direction. I wanted a specific name, but you gave us feeling and the power of the blues! Thanks!
Hello, Leslie,
Nope... no one specific person, but I'm really glad you got the bluesy feelings from this!
Thank you!
L
Soaked
Love the flow and the sites and sounds. A nice drenching of the blues. Very well done.
Anderclunk
Hello!
Thank you! A learning experiment, for certain. Really felt and heard the blues as this took shape.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
L