I looked up at the overspread
obsidian, coal like sky.
A detonation
Sea of flickering sequins of silver
and dazzling starlight and
explosive whites.
The unspeaking secrets and
neighbours in the midnight
Sky light.
A cluster of silence
The night slumbers while the
Stars, flash their signal beacons.
The night invades
the day with
marching stars carrying a
dark magicians cape
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "SILENCE" presents a vivid and evocative image of the night sky, using rich and descriptive language. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.
Firstly, the poem's structure could be improved for better readability. The inconsistent stanza breaks and line lengths can be disorienting for the reader. A more consistent structure could help to guide the reader through the poem.
Secondly, the poem could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. While the imagery of the night sky is compelling, it's not clear how this relates to the title "SILENCE". If the poem is about the silence of the night, this could be made more explicit in the text of the poem.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structures. Many of the sentences in the poem are simple sentences, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences could add variety and interest to the poem.
Overall, the poem has a strong foundation, but could be improved with some structural and thematic refinement.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Silence
A series of thoughts while admiring the incredible night sky. I've been able to get away from light and noise pollution to enjoy and admire the stars, and the silence you describe is so noticeable and breathtaking. Very nice!
Thank you,
L
Lavender
Thank you !