hippiemoon
Feb 28, 2024
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 02/25/24 to 03/02/24

(Read More...)

Humanness

Today I feel Human.
And I know I am always human,
But now I notice it.
In the ways my legs ache
With each bend of my knee.
The way my heart sits heavy in my chest
Like a diving ring in a pool
Not going down, just sitting there.
The way my mind races,
And my bones ache for the cold,
Even though I don’t like it anyways.

This is not a bad thing,
Feeling Human,
In fact it’s the best way to feel.
Because along with the pain comes joy.
When my sides hurt from laughing
At a joke that really wasn’t that funny,
I am Human.
When my heart starts racing
Because a pretty boy has given me his jacket,
I know I am Human.

Giggling with my friends
Like a little girl with a schoolyard crush
Reminds me I am Human.
I find beauty in every unfunny joke I tell,
Every awkward silence I share,
Every bump, bruise, or scrape I endure,
For I know it makes me Human.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Humanness" effectively uses sensory details and personal experiences to explore the theme of human experience, both physical and emotional. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved for clarity and impact.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphors and similes. The metaphor of the heart as a "diving ring in a pool" is a strong image, but it's one of the few instances of figurative language in the poem. Introducing more metaphors or similes could enhance the sensory experience for the reader and provide deeper insight into the speaker's feelings.

Secondly, the poem could be more concise. There are several lines that repeat the phrase "I am Human," which can become redundant. Instead, consider using varied phrases or exploring different aspects of humanity to avoid repetition and keep the reader engaged.

Lastly, the poem's structure could be refined for better flow and rhythm. The lines vary greatly in length, which can disrupt the rhythm of the poem. Consider revising the poem to create a more consistent rhythm, which can enhance the overall reading experience.

In conclusion, while the poem effectively explores the theme of human experience, it could be improved by incorporating more figurative language, reducing redundancy, and refining the structure for better rhythm.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

I can relate to all you are saying in each scenario. I shall have you to look up to and try to emulate! For even pain, we know we are alive!

*hugs, Cat

Lavender

Hello, hippiemoon,
It's good to be reminded of the simple, yet extraordinary benefits of being human, along with the not-so-great drawbacks. Wonderful insight!
Thank you,
L

M

hello hippiemoon,
WONDERFUL poem. One of my favorites I’ve seen on this site!!!
I agree with lavender, what a great reminder of the beauty of being human. Thank you so much for sharing, I am genuinely delighted by your work.
Best,
MM