I locked onto your eyes of wood-smoke
saw my face mirrored back at me,
full of desirous laughter.
Saw a world of love
as it is there...
Your offered hand
taking mine in yours.
Floating away on your warmth
sensing the stability of your thoughts
as they were there...
Watching words form on your supple lips
is a land of paradise of its own.
There is a rhythm to your words, exhilarating.
A lilt which lifts me up ever higher,
when it is there!
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "When It Is There..." demonstrates a strong sense of imagery and emotion. It successfully uses vivid descriptions such as "eyes of wood-smoke" and "words form on your supple lips" to create a sensory experience for the reader. The repetition of the phrase "as it is there" and "when it is there" also adds a rhythmic quality to the piece, enhancing its musicality and flow.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphor and symbolism. While the "eyes of wood-smoke" and "your warmth" suggest a metaphorical representation of the subject's character, these symbols are not fully developed or connected throughout the poem. Expanding on these symbols could provide a deeper layer of meaning to the poem.
The poem also tends to tell rather than show emotions. For instance, the line "full of desirous laughter" tells the reader what the speaker is feeling, rather than showing it through concrete images or actions. Revising such lines to show the emotions more subtly could make the poem more engaging and impactful.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a clearer structure or progression. While the repetition of the phrase "as it is there" provides some sense of continuity, the poem seems to jump from one image or idea to the next without a clear connection or progression. Developing a more coherent narrative or thematic progression could enhance the overall coherence and impact of the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
delightful!
Hi Cat!
What a well done poem! I admire your use beautiful descriptions and the lovely overall feel you create in this poem. My favorite lines are:
Your offered hand
taking mine in yours.
Floating away on your warmth
Whoever this is about is lucky to have such beautiful words written about them.
Thanks for sharing,
-MM
Dear MM,
Thank you! the poem is about Steven my husband of many, many moons, LOL. he has not yet read this poem. Thank you especially for telling me what you liked about the poem. That is always helpful and reassuring. I also appreciate finding out where my poem is weak...so do not be shy!
*hugs, Cat
Hello Neomancer,
thank you for reading my poem, I appreciate it very much. I would say that we are both lucky ;) welcome to Neopoet, it is very nice to meet you!
*hugs, Cat
Dearest Cat
Full of beauty and hope in love and acceptance of the future what we all need dear friend xxx
My Dearest John,
Thank you so very much for reading and commenting on my poem. It is a real pleasure to have you here!
*love, Cat xxx
Hi Dear Cat
Most of my stuff about 500 to date are saved to All Poetry espec a recent that’s a very old one of mine Medea though it’s darker than I would usually intend to write I know you’re okay with that from your excellent litany catalogue and of course her story is full of dark themes. It’s an updated reflection I’d love for you to read the latest saved to AP or I could email you the link. I pray for you that you are healthy and happy and safe just like I pray for my family be well my dear. I’m looking forward to walking my sister’s dog Ziggy tomoz he was I’ll last year with an intestinal infection but he’s all better now and I love to walk him when I can about twice a week. I love to take a walk in nature once a week with my Dad through Kelsey Park a beautiful old Victorian park with many varieties and breeds of water fowl and our favourite squirrels who come right to your hand to take a nut that’s part of our Friday routine a loved pleasure. Be well dearest friend love John xxx
I am unwell
I will write to you. I have a Dr's appointment at 11: 00 today. I will write to you after.
*much love, Cat
Dearest Cat
I can only pray for you I do hope your appointment goes successfully and a quick and easy resolution be well dearest love John xxx
My Dear Friend,
I have hope for better days.
*Love, Cat
Dearest Cat
Hope is the most precious attribute you have love and prayers from those who love you and the hope of a very strong spirit be well dear love John xxx
my sweet friend,
thank you so much xxx Cat
When It Is There
Hello, Cat,
A gentle, tender write full of appreciation. Unpretentious and sincere.
You are both so fortunate!
L
Thank you Lavender,
for reading and commenting. He is my touchstone and I am his.
*hugs, Cat
A Real Beauty
This poem is a real beauty. Your sense of romance just keeps growing. Well done.
my dearest,
you are the reason...
*love, Cat
Your skill...
in putting these open love letters together has risen greatly as of late. Nicely done! ~ Geez.
.
Dear Geezer,
Thank you so very much! I hope I am still learning :)
*love, Cat