my life was
like an open wound
seeking healing from the pain...
my love was
septic, pure sewage
garbage down a drain...
my heart
recognized yours
as a beacon in the dark...
your soul,
fuel for fire
to lighten and spark...
your mouth,
the source of my truths
I will hang on every line...
your eyes,
speak in the softest tones
I praise the skies that you are mine!
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Wildfires II" utilizes a variety of metaphors and similes to convey a narrative of pain, love, and redemption. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further development and refinement.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. The current structure is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow and make the poem feel disjointed. By establishing a more consistent rhythm, the poem could achieve a smoother flow that enhances the reading experience.
Secondly, the poem could benefit from more vivid and unique imagery. While the metaphors used (e.g., "open wound", "pure sewage", "beacon in the dark") are effective in conveying the speaker's emotions, they are somewhat common and may not fully capture the reader's attention. By using more unique and unexpected imagery, the poem could evoke stronger emotions and create a more memorable impact.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a clearer development of its theme. While the poem seems to be about the healing power of love, this theme could be explored and developed in more depth. By expanding on this theme, the poem could provide a more nuanced and insightful exploration of the speaker's experiences and emotions.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses metaphors and similes to convey a narrative of pain, love, and redemption, it could benefit from a more consistent rhythm, more vivid and unique imagery, and a clearer development of its theme.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Valentine's Day...
a bit late? Or just because?
The line could be: full of [poison] and pain
It's [skies]. Love this, ~ Geez.
.
Dear Geez,
Thank you for your input and suggestion. I gave it serious consideration, but came up with something else;) good eye on the spelling error!
*hugs, Cat
I love
Your love poems. Knowing your story, I am in awe of your relationship! Perhaps someday for me.
Dear Carrie,
I am sure that you will come into your own!
*hugs, Cat
Wildfires ll
Hello, Cat,
"...your eyes speak in the softest tones..." What a lovely gesture, combining two senses. Tender poetry.
Thank you,
L
Dear Lavender,
thank you so much!
*hugs, Cat
yep
Finding love can change everything
Dear Scribbler,
I agree! thank you for reading and commenting,
*hugs, Cat