William Lynn

Feb 20, 2024

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 02/18/24 to 02/24/24

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Dream Catching

If I could catch my dreams
All the ones that made me smile,
I would wrap them in a memory
And save them for a while.

Perhaps that small Pacific isle
It was nineteen ninety two,
The sun, the sand, and palm trees
The beach and me and you.

There was that cabin in the woods
Snow capped mountains all around,
We slept before the fires flame
Quiet nights without a sound.

London first, then on to Paris
Notre Dame and then the Louvre,
Wonders up and down the Seine
None more wondrous than you.

Those dreams along the Danube
Castles from centuries long ago,
Friends we met along the way
Historic beauty we came to know.

On the nights when sleep's far off
I would un-wrap a dream or two,
Hand in hand in dreams we'd travel
While new dreams came into view.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ID

Favorite Poets: My favorite poets are:

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Comments

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Dream Catching" presents a series of vivid and engaging images that effectively transport the reader to different locations and times. It is clear that the poet has a strong command of language and a keen eye for detail.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout the poem, but at times it feels forced, which can distract from the overall flow and rhythm of the piece. For example, in the line "Wonders up and down the Seine / None more wondrous than you," the repetition of "wonder" feels a bit awkward. Experimenting with different words or phrasing could help to smooth out these instances.

Additionally, while the poem does a good job of painting a picture of each location, it could benefit from more emotional depth. The poem tells the reader about the speaker's experiences, but doesn't show much about how these experiences made the speaker feel. Incorporating more sensory details or personal reflections could help to deepen the emotional resonance of the poem.

Lastly, the poem's structure could be more varied. Each stanza follows the same format, which can make the poem feel a bit monotonous. Varying the structure or rhythm could help to keep the reader engaged and add an extra layer of interest to the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Dear Will,

a stellar poem! All of those splendid places, all in your dreams! a good title and great language skills. I have to say that you get a lot of mileage out of carefully selected words. I think you are a dream weaver ;) my favorite lines are:

On the nights when sleep's far off
I would un-wrap a dream or two,
Hand in hand in dreams we'd travel
While new dreams came into view.

*hugs, Cat

Hi Cat.

Thanks for reading and for your gracious comments. We were lucky to have been able to travel to all those places back when I was gainfully employed. Now we stick pretty close to home, and that seems to work just fine.

Thanks again. - Will

Very Nice

Need I say more? Alex

Thank you Alex, both for

Thank you Alex, both for taking time to read and for your comments.

I always appreciate comments from you and the others that take the time to read and comment.

Best wishes, Will

Very good poem, expresses

Very good poem, expresses great images that accurately reflect our dreams.

Thank you Clentin.

I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Best Wishes, Will

I think...

In comparing your wife to all those wonders, it is a small thing.
If it brings attention to the line, one might think that it appropriate; to name her a wonder too! ~ Geez.
.

Hi Geezer:

Thanks for reading and for your comment. The wife is a wonder indeed as witnessed by the fact that she has put up with my BS for fifty five years. Perhaps "saint" is more like it, but calling her a saint would just go to her head, so I'll stick with wonderful (besides, I can't rhyme anything in the current poem with saint).

Thanks again. - Will

Dream Catching

Hello, Will,
Beautiful memories of beautiful places, and what lovely praises to your wife.
You are both so fortunate to see the world together!
Thank you!
L

Hello Lavender.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. My wife is an amazing woman and I'm most fortunate to have her as my best friend for 55 years.

Best regards, Will

VIVA LA PARIS!

Epic adventures

Well told in your poem. It sounds like you and yours have shared so many incredible journeys and moments together. I think we all have a few moments we would like to freeze in time so that they don't escape us and we can keep reliving. Well done.

Thank you Rose for taking the

Thank you Rose for taking the time to read and for your comments.

We have been most fortunate to travel in our younger years to so many places, each one presenting a new perspective from which to grow. Now we are content to sit on the porch with fond memories of when we were young.

Best wishes, Will